In Which Amy Is Thankful... (Myspace Blog)

I have so much to be grateful for.

And while I do not agree with the historical reasoning behind this day, (namely the repression of the Native American people by the White colonists in order to promote the colonial way of life over that of the Native peoples) it is a good opportunity for me to take the time to be concious about those things in my life that make me rich.

My life is beautiful. I am so grateful to be alive right now, today, in this moment... and I am as grateful for all the moments that I have passed through as I am for all the moments that I have left in my life. I want to remember to live them consciously - treading lightly upon the Earth and making the world a more concious place for the people, plants, and animals on it.

I am grateful for my children and my family - both the ones I birthed and didn't, the ones I chose and that chose me, the ones I see and I don't, and the ones who are here now and the ones who have passed. I love my family with every fiber of my being - and I am who I am because of them. No matter the situation, no matter how difficult things are, I want to stay aware of how much I love them, and how little I would want to trade them for someone else.

I love my career, my choice in life paths. The idea of critical thought, conciousness, and its incorporation into teaching and the social issues of our times are fundamentally exciting to me - and I am blessed to have the opportunity to pursue them in my schooling and career.

Even having the opportunity for school is a blessing - so many never have it, so many are doomed by their colour, their race, their class status, and sometimes even by their own choice to live lives that never look outside of their very narrow sight. I am thankful for the opportunity to look past my own opinions, and the desire to do so.

I am grateful for my house, my animals, my materialistic things. While they are simply materials, and I could exist without them, I am still grateful for their presence.

I am grateful for the people who love me, both near and far. I am grateful for new beginnings, for possibilities that I never expected. I am grateful for those who seek to find out who I am - for friends, loves, and colleagues that understand me and push me to become more of the person that I think that I might become. I am thankful for my health, my age, my youth, my experience, my wisdom (or lack thereof). I am grateful for mistakes that I made and continue to make.

I am grateful for games and meditation and running shoes and June Bugs. (even though I hate them so) I am grateful for the moon and evolution and the statues on Easter Island. I am grateful for the sharks and tape worms and strawberries and sweet cream. I am grateful for always having a home to go back to. I am grateful for warm blankets on cold nights, small people that climb in bed and stick their cold feet between my knees, teenage angst, hot words that light fires in my soul.

I am so so very grateful for every moment of my life - all the ups and downs and the roller coaster to get between them. I want so much to be an agent for conciousness in the world around me... and I am so grateful for my desire to do so and the chance.

I am grateful for everyone of you that reads this... and I hope that it makes you take a moment to think on and stay concious of those things that you are grateful for in your life, also.

In Which Amy is Sick... (Myspace Blog)

Being sick sucks.

Lying in bed feeling miserable (or in this case, in the bathroom feeling miserable), nothing to do but remember how awful you feel...thinking about all the things that you should be doing but instead you are stuck too sick to manage to move.

Being sick sucks.

Luckily, this semester has been mild as far as my encounters with being sick. A cold earlier in the semester, this stomach bug (though NASTY) only lasting 2 days. That's not at all bad compared to the semester that I spent the whole time sick, never actually getting any better until January.

But that doesn't make being sick any less sucky.

Mi hija was kind enough to pass this one on to me... and now she has it again. But I've decided that I have done my time, I won't end up with it for another round... I had it so bad that I've built up immunities, baby! Yeah!

Besides, it is a holiday week. I can't get sick... I want to go home and spend time with my family... Anna is cooking. :) Jimmy and Erin are coming home. Maybe Bethy too.

Being sick would suck.

In Which Amy Eats... (Myspace Blog)

Food... I love food. Yummy crunchy food, soft food, sour food, liquid food... I really really love food.

But there are a few foods that are the super-est yummiest most best-est foods ever.

Mexican food, for example. Crunchy chip in spicy salsa with creamy sour cream and guacamole... menudo con limon with tons of cebolla, flautas filled with chicken so yummy that your mouth waters... enchiladas smothered in green chile grown in hatch, with an egg on top... Oh mexican food is so good. I love mexican food.

And chinese food - oh, yum yum yum - lo mein noodles eaten with chop sticks... kung pao shrimp with crunchy peanuts in its delightful spicy sauce... rice rice rice - sticky steamed rice that is like heaven, and fried rice with the peas and carrots and randome chunks of egg... fortune cookies that HAVE to be read with 'between the sheets' following, and those super sticky super sweet super yummy candies that you can eat the paper on... So So yummy.

I am telling you all this not because I am hungry. Actually, my tumbly is not rumbly at all... but full of frijoles, spanish rice, and horchata. (Ooo... horchata - arroz con leche in a glass with sprinkles of cinnamon... yum) I think I just needed to take a moment to talk about food.

There are so many yummy types of food, that I'm not sure that I have a favourite. All food is my favourite. All food, that is, except for hot dogs and bologna. According to Amy's world dictionary, hot dogs and bologna are not food. They are pig lips and cockroach legs. Ew. Not for me. I admit to having a prejudice against them. I am racist against all classes of food that involve pig lips and cockroaches. And I don't really like pork, either, but I don't hate it with the passion that I reserve for hot dogs and bologna.

There are so many types of food in the world to try... curry, for example. I have never had curry. Or swedish food. Or hugarian food. Or iranian food. Maybe I should travel around the world simply to try all the different kinds of food...

But wait. If I did that, I would have to try things like monkey brains and maggots and rocky mountain oysters. Hmm... no. Never mind. I don't want to eat those.

In Which Amy has a Productive Day... (Myspace Blog)

Sometimes you have one of those days that amazes you.

Today was one of those days for me. I got so much done... 2 papers, work on a final for another class, stuff around the house, babysitting for a friend.

It is only 7:40 and all I have left to do for the night is post this blog and run.

Ah... running... I have been into that lately.

So, yay for me and my 30 second blog... and my running shoes. They are calling my name.

In Which Amy Knows Where She's Going... (Myspace Blog)

There are no Masters Degree programs specifically in the field of Critical Pedagogy and Social Justice.

I knew this, had resigned myself to it. I was not happy, but had accustomed myself to the idea that I would get my Masters Degree is some random thing, with as much emphasis on Critical Pedagogy as I possibly could manage at whatever school I will attend. Yet another 2 years of feeling like I had wasted time jumping through hoops. Then a quick jump into a Doctoral program in order to get what I want, which is a degree in Critical Pedagogy and Social Justice. Another 3 to 4 years... forever and ever away.

Until yesterday.

Browsing, yet again, looking at many different programs in many different places. I must have done something that I had not done before... because I found the St. Martins College Masters Program of Critical Pedagogy and Social Justice. Did you do a double-take? I did. Yes, I did read that right... A Master's Program in exactly what I want it to be in. A dream. A miracle.

And in Lancaster, Lancashire, United Kingdom.

I have mixed feelings... I am excited. I knew I wanted to do some study in the UK. I am scared. Will I be able to afford it? I am optimistic. I will still qualify for financial aid... and they will pay it if I am in the UK.

I am going to do it. It is not any more expensive than if I were to attend an out of state university here in the US. Plus, a Master's Degree takes 1 year in the UK. 1 very intense year, I'm sure... but 1 year none the less. Versus at least 2 here. The biggest difference is in the realm of expectations. Here a Master's Degree is bestowed based upon a Questioning Board. There you are required to write a dissertation. Good thing I like writing, especially in that field.

The big picture shows that, by the time my daughter graduates from high school, I will have a Master's Degree, in a field that I love. Then I can decide what I want to do about the Doctorate. I think I might be excited. And that would be an understatement.

In Which Amy Talks of Mother... (Myspace Blog)

My mother means well.

She and her husband (my stepfather) have a washer and dryer for me. They have had it for a while. It is sitting in their back yard, I suppose, since they are not using them anymore.

She has said they will bring them up for a month now. In the beginning, I was excited. I have lived in Las Cruces since 1995, and the only time my mother has ever come over was once when she picked up my sick sister, then came to pick up mi hija for a trip to her father's. She has never come to visit me.

Please do not misunderstand, I am not upset that I have to wait for the washer and dryer. When the time comes, it will happen. But I find it interesting that I am told that the road travels two ways... I may not travel it often, but I do travel it.

The truth is that I do not understand my mother. I am not here to bitch about her, and I'm not full of anger or angst. I just don't understand her. She is a Martian. She speaks a different language. Or, to be fair, maybe I'm the alien...

Yeah! I'M an alien! From the Pluto formerly known as a planet. And I have come to earth to take over the world. But don't worry, I am not a tyrant, or even a dictator. I am a benevolent ruler. Yeah. With a big crown. And jewels... shiny jewels that grab the light and throw it back at you.

That's Martian Amy to you...

In Which Amy Sees the Light... (Myspace Blog)

Ah! (That was a long sigh of relief, in case you were wondering...)

Chemistry test #3 is done. I don't actually think I did too shabbily, considering how difficult I find the class, and by extension, how much I dislike it. I made out with a B, I believe.

Plus, all these group projects are almost done also... One paper tomorrow, one presentation Saturday, the last presentation next Thursday.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a forthcoming end to this semester. Huzzah.

Following presentations, all I'll have to do is 1 take home final in one class (The Saturday one, which always seems to cramp my style), 1 test and the final in another class, more revisions and rewriting in English, and the end of classes and final in chemistry. While it sounds like a lot when I list it, it certainly doesn't feel like a lot.

I have to hang onto the fact that I am, really, almost done. With the semester, and with my Bachelors degree, too. I often think that I am never going to finish... that there is so much else I would rather be doing, that I would be more productive and a better parent were I to concentrate on things besides school. I must not give into such bullshit! I have to finish this degree, then into the Master's program, where maybe I'll feel like I am making a difference. Or, I hope, anyway.

So this is my affirmation for the day... I am almost done with the semester... I just have to finish and then I can take a break before I do it all over again. It feels like I'm sprinting... but the finish line is so close... I just have to not quit.

Breathe, Amy, breathe...

In Which Amy Corrupts Technology... (Myspace Blog)

I am a Corrupter of Technology. Or at least that is what Jimmy says.

I was sitting at home, minding my own business, being morose and thinking about crying, when he called. To 'talk'.

'Talk'ing, in this case, involved me opening my mouth and spilling all my miseries out onto him... and him nodding and hmmming and occasionally inserting listening noises any place he could get a word in edgewise.

According to my brother, in the end, the problem is that I am an egocentric decision maker. Along with most of the other people in the world. I am also not good at using technology appropriately (i.e. using it the way he would like me too...) and am therefore (with exasperated sigh included) a CORRUPTER of TECHNOLOGY. Believe it or not, this actually made me feel better, to have him tell me this. There is the reason I cannot bear to be a slave to my stupid cell phone! I am a corrupter. It is not because I have a bad memory and forget to take it off vibrate after class, or just plain forget to take it with me. Nope, I am a corrupter. That is my problem.

Lucky for me, he had a solution for it too... "Little sis, you just need to TAKE CONTROL."

Take control... this makes me laugh. Me, who cannot ever decide what restaurant she wants to eat at, needs to take control. I AM taking control - of feeling morose and teary eyed.

This is, of course, not as deep as our conversation went... and my telling him of my decision not to post all the personal stuff lead him to reiterate that I was a corrupter... what is the point of having a blog if I am not going to post personal things? And while I see his point, I still don't think I wanna.

So, in the end, he tells me that he is glad we could have this chat, and how happy he is that I am now laughing and joking with him. He says, "And hey, I win!" which in Jim-speak means "I am so glad that you are feeling better and that I could help and I love you even if you do corrupt technology every chance you get."

I love my brother... who else knew to call me?

In Which Amy Reads About God... (Myspace Blog)

The package I mailed finally arrived, so I can talk about the most wondrous present I have ever sent to the UK - a book called "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. (See my blog 10-8-06 to find it on my reading list...) I bought it as a birthday present for my very dear friend who lives in the UK (Stephen), and expected to send it on its way and be done with it. However, it is an author he recommended to me, and my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it. And everyone knows, if I open a book, I have to read the book.

I started thinking, "I'll just read a few pages, then I'll put it down and mail it to him." Pretty soon it was, "I just won't think about how late this gift is going to be... he doesn't even know it is not on the way yet." Finally I broke down and told him, "I have to read it. Every word." That is what I did. When I finished it the first time, I decided that I had to read it again; possibly even twice more. I couldn't do that with his gift... it is only fair to make someone wait so long, but no longer. So I packed his book up and shipped it off, and bought my own copy.

Now I get to read and read and write in the margins. I am taking notes and making comments and circling passages. And Kristin, Jake, Jimmy, and I are all reading it out loud together. By the time I'm done I will have read it three times. Once out loud and twice to myself. Maybe then I'll be able to have a deep enough understanding of the concepts to incorporate them into my beliefs.

You see, this is a book that speaks against a supernatural deity. And he presents a very convincing argument... so what do I believe? Some of it fits easily - I already do not believe in creation and I do not believe that we are moral or good because we are watched by god... I do not even believe that good morals or values are necessarily those promoted by the Christian faith. But there is so much more to his argument than that.

For example, he speaks against the concept of a "Christian child". Or a "Muslim child" or a "Jewish child" on the basis that these children are not yet old enough to decide on their own. I must look at my own experience - the way I have and am raising my children in particular. I do not believe I have forced my beliefs on them... I have flat out told my daughter that she is not yet old enough to choose a path, and that she must look at many paths before she can choose one that is right for her. I have even told her that she is not Wiccan until she is old enough to choose to be, if the time comes that she does choose.

I am looking forward to re-evaluating my own belief system... and slightly nervous. What if I am unable to change my mind? Or am unable to merge this information into what I believe? I am, right now, choosing to look more broadly, come what may. I am choosing to look logically. I am choosing to not hold on to an ideology that is not supported. And it is going to be an interesting trip.

You all should read it too... and then lets talk. I'd love to have more people to discuss this with.