In Which Amy Follows Up on Civilization... (Myspace Blog)

You people suck. My very first post to this silly blog (oh, baby, don't worry - mama still loves you...) was about civilization. Had you been me, this is what you would have heard as you wrote it... goodAmy: Wow, this is so exciting! I'm going to write my thoughts and it is going to start a movement of critical discussion about interesting and deep concepts that will allow me to further my own ideas! badAmy: Shut up, you crazy beep! Noone wants to read this crap. Nobody cares! goodAmy: Oh, no, you are wrong... this is a call to unity! We will meet in solidarity and build community together, gleaning knowledge from one another and sharing ideas to incite change in ourselves! badAmy: Yea, right. Just keep fooling yourself. Nobody really gives a beep, you stupid crazy beep! goodAmy: You don't understand! We will use our conversations as a jumping off point towards creating change in ourselves and in our existances! We will look deeply into the meaning and reasoning behind our thoughts! It will be magical! badAmy: Whatever. Just don't come crying to me when nobody responds to your crazy rantings. Cuz that's all it is - crazy. I don't even want to listen - the only reason that I do is because I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THE CRAZY THAT I HAVE TO SHARE A BRAIN WITH!! Needless to say, I don't particularly like badAmy, therefore it pains me to say that she was right. Noone cares (except me) about what civilization means. Or, if they do care, noone told me. So, fine. I don't care if you give me your thoughts and opinions or not. Hrmph. I'll do it all myself. So, without any help, this is my definition of civilization so far. Amys' (and noone else's) Definition of Civilization (as of 10-25-06) The social order, which is universally repressionistic, dominative, and controlling (in both positive and negative ways), that promotes culturalization and is directly the result of culturalization. It stems from the struggle against 'base nature', which is the need to rise above and be set apart from the animal. Now, do you feel bad? Are you suffering from a moment of guilt that I have been let down directly by you? Want to make me feel better about myself and make up for the damage that you have caused my inner psyche? Follow these directions: 1. Subscribe to this blog. DO IT! 2. Read and comment. In comment form. Where everyone can see. 3. Profess undying adoration to me. In comment form. Now. 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 daily. That's it! That's all I expect from you to make me feel better - to instantly change me from a sullen girl to a bright, smiling, and happy one. You have the power... yeah, you're in control... (Shira Girl... look it up if you want... good song). Better do it quick, though, or I just cannot guarentee what I will do to myself as a result of my despair... Oh, and hey - if you really believe the preceding paragraph, I have a bridge I am willing to let go for really cheap. Just drop me a message if you are interested.

In Which Possession Rears its Scaley Head... (Myspace Blog)

Websters Universal College Dictionary defines the word possess as, "1. to have as belonging to one; have as property; own. 2. to have as a faculty, quality, or the like. 3. to occupy or control from within (of a spirit). 4. to dominate of actuate in the manner of such a spirit. 5. to keep or maintain in a certain state. 6. to succeed in having sexual intercourse with. 7. to seize or take; gain." What is it about this words that worries at my brain? What is it about this word that makes me crave? It has very negative connotations, to possess someone, to be possessed by someone. Yet I know that I am not the only person in this world to think deeply along just such a train of thought. Sarah McLachlan writes, in her song "Possession", "And I would be the one To hold you down Kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away, And after I'd wipe away the tears Just close your eyes, dear. " These words ring true to many, myself included. How do I combine an equally deep need to be independant, to be free to make my own decisions and forge my own path? Can I be possessed by one that I love, possess that person in return, and still be /me/? As a feminist, I think that I must stand up for the rights of women, that we must be strong and capable and need noone, want noone. But this political belief has nothing to do with the thoughts that are going on inside my head when I lie awake and try to fathom how to put my life together in a strong, healthy manner. Is it even healty to want to be claimed? To want someone to be able to say "Mine" and it to be absolute truth? To be a cherished, loved, and deeply adored possession? There is so much more to this that circles in my head - things that I do not think I want my brothers and my sisters and my children and cousins and friends to know about me, at least until I have figured it out for myself. But think about it - what does it mean to be possessed, why does this need (for lack of a better word) manifest itself? What do you think? And just for the record, this does NOT necessarily mean that there is someone specific that I am thinking about. It does NOT mean that I am looking to find someone. It just means that I am thinking. (Update to blog post, 3 June, 2008: Yes, Stephen was in my life at the time. I lied. I wasn't ready to tell yet.)