In Which Amy Reads About God... (Myspace Blog)

The package I mailed finally arrived, so I can talk about the most wondrous present I have ever sent to the UK - a book called "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. (See my blog 10-8-06 to find it on my reading list...) I bought it as a birthday present for my very dear friend who lives in the UK (Stephen), and expected to send it on its way and be done with it. However, it is an author he recommended to me, and my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it. And everyone knows, if I open a book, I have to read the book.

I started thinking, "I'll just read a few pages, then I'll put it down and mail it to him." Pretty soon it was, "I just won't think about how late this gift is going to be... he doesn't even know it is not on the way yet." Finally I broke down and told him, "I have to read it. Every word." That is what I did. When I finished it the first time, I decided that I had to read it again; possibly even twice more. I couldn't do that with his gift... it is only fair to make someone wait so long, but no longer. So I packed his book up and shipped it off, and bought my own copy.

Now I get to read and read and write in the margins. I am taking notes and making comments and circling passages. And Kristin, Jake, Jimmy, and I are all reading it out loud together. By the time I'm done I will have read it three times. Once out loud and twice to myself. Maybe then I'll be able to have a deep enough understanding of the concepts to incorporate them into my beliefs.

You see, this is a book that speaks against a supernatural deity. And he presents a very convincing argument... so what do I believe? Some of it fits easily - I already do not believe in creation and I do not believe that we are moral or good because we are watched by god... I do not even believe that good morals or values are necessarily those promoted by the Christian faith. But there is so much more to his argument than that.

For example, he speaks against the concept of a "Christian child". Or a "Muslim child" or a "Jewish child" on the basis that these children are not yet old enough to decide on their own. I must look at my own experience - the way I have and am raising my children in particular. I do not believe I have forced my beliefs on them... I have flat out told my daughter that she is not yet old enough to choose a path, and that she must look at many paths before she can choose one that is right for her. I have even told her that she is not Wiccan until she is old enough to choose to be, if the time comes that she does choose.

I am looking forward to re-evaluating my own belief system... and slightly nervous. What if I am unable to change my mind? Or am unable to merge this information into what I believe? I am, right now, choosing to look more broadly, come what may. I am choosing to look logically. I am choosing to not hold on to an ideology that is not supported. And it is going to be an interesting trip.

You all should read it too... and then lets talk. I'd love to have more people to discuss this with.

In Which Amy.... well, just read it already. (Myspace Blog)

This is my favourite holiday ever. Ever ever ever. Samhain - with crisp apples waiting in big tubs of water to be caught with the teeth, lit candles on the alter flickering in the dark for those that have passed, for us to remember, costumes and candy, jack o'lanterns carved into scarey faces and lit throughout the night to guide our dead to visit us, and the seeds salted, roasted, and dipped into the sweetest honey in the world. Ouija boards, circles, bonfires, tarot readings, the dumb feast... I love it all. This Samhain is different for me. It is my first in many years in which I am choosing not to have large crowds or a huge gathering of people come to watch the witch in action. I will not be reading tarot until 3 am for everybody under the moon. I will not be casting circles of salt 'round the bonfire and drawing open the West to welcome in the dead. I will not be dancing around a cauldron, stirring the witches brew that fogs the ground from the secret stash of dry ice which I dropped in. I will spend my Samhain alone. My children off, for the first time in years, at "halloween" parties and trick or treating with peers. For them, this is a rare treat. They never get to be normal... this is Samhain. But this year, even they must go. I will be in the dark of my room, incense thick in the air, chanting in commune with the world that is thin with the veil between worlds. I will cast off the old - this is a moment of truth, of moving on. I will shrug off the past. It will be closure. Closure at the time of new beginnings, the start of a new turning of the wheel of the year. When I am done, I will be cleansed. I will be empty of the past and able to let go of it. I will be looking foward, into the future. And there will be a new candle on the alter, for this year only. It will be a rememberance of dead relationships. This year, when the veil is the thinnest, I send that path into the world of the dead, and I will not be haunted by it anymore. So mote it be.