In Which Amy.... well, just read it already. (Myspace Blog)

This is my favourite holiday ever. Ever ever ever. Samhain - with crisp apples waiting in big tubs of water to be caught with the teeth, lit candles on the alter flickering in the dark for those that have passed, for us to remember, costumes and candy, jack o'lanterns carved into scarey faces and lit throughout the night to guide our dead to visit us, and the seeds salted, roasted, and dipped into the sweetest honey in the world. Ouija boards, circles, bonfires, tarot readings, the dumb feast... I love it all. This Samhain is different for me. It is my first in many years in which I am choosing not to have large crowds or a huge gathering of people come to watch the witch in action. I will not be reading tarot until 3 am for everybody under the moon. I will not be casting circles of salt 'round the bonfire and drawing open the West to welcome in the dead. I will not be dancing around a cauldron, stirring the witches brew that fogs the ground from the secret stash of dry ice which I dropped in. I will spend my Samhain alone. My children off, for the first time in years, at "halloween" parties and trick or treating with peers. For them, this is a rare treat. They never get to be normal... this is Samhain. But this year, even they must go. I will be in the dark of my room, incense thick in the air, chanting in commune with the world that is thin with the veil between worlds. I will cast off the old - this is a moment of truth, of moving on. I will shrug off the past. It will be closure. Closure at the time of new beginnings, the start of a new turning of the wheel of the year. When I am done, I will be cleansed. I will be empty of the past and able to let go of it. I will be looking foward, into the future. And there will be a new candle on the alter, for this year only. It will be a rememberance of dead relationships. This year, when the veil is the thinnest, I send that path into the world of the dead, and I will not be haunted by it anymore. So mote it be.

In Which Amy Really IS a Hippie... (Myspace Blog)

I hate quizzes. But this one, I just had to do. I brazenly stole it from Paula's myspace... and I just knew I was a hippie. And a thoughtful, intellectual one to boot! Yay me! And I promise, I won't get carried away with these silly quizzes... just this one. Just to confirm that I really AM a hippie.

You scored as One Intellectual Individual. You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care.

One Intelectual Individual		100%
Earth-Child		88%
Original Hippie		63%
New Age Hippie		50%
Pothead		25%
Not a Hippie		13%

In Which Amy Follows Up on Civilization... (Myspace Blog)

You people suck. My very first post to this silly blog (oh, baby, don't worry - mama still loves you...) was about civilization. Had you been me, this is what you would have heard as you wrote it... goodAmy: Wow, this is so exciting! I'm going to write my thoughts and it is going to start a movement of critical discussion about interesting and deep concepts that will allow me to further my own ideas! badAmy: Shut up, you crazy beep! Noone wants to read this crap. Nobody cares! goodAmy: Oh, no, you are wrong... this is a call to unity! We will meet in solidarity and build community together, gleaning knowledge from one another and sharing ideas to incite change in ourselves! badAmy: Yea, right. Just keep fooling yourself. Nobody really gives a beep, you stupid crazy beep! goodAmy: You don't understand! We will use our conversations as a jumping off point towards creating change in ourselves and in our existances! We will look deeply into the meaning and reasoning behind our thoughts! It will be magical! badAmy: Whatever. Just don't come crying to me when nobody responds to your crazy rantings. Cuz that's all it is - crazy. I don't even want to listen - the only reason that I do is because I CAN'T GET AWAY FROM THE CRAZY THAT I HAVE TO SHARE A BRAIN WITH!! Needless to say, I don't particularly like badAmy, therefore it pains me to say that she was right. Noone cares (except me) about what civilization means. Or, if they do care, noone told me. So, fine. I don't care if you give me your thoughts and opinions or not. Hrmph. I'll do it all myself. So, without any help, this is my definition of civilization so far. Amys' (and noone else's) Definition of Civilization (as of 10-25-06) The social order, which is universally repressionistic, dominative, and controlling (in both positive and negative ways), that promotes culturalization and is directly the result of culturalization. It stems from the struggle against 'base nature', which is the need to rise above and be set apart from the animal. Now, do you feel bad? Are you suffering from a moment of guilt that I have been let down directly by you? Want to make me feel better about myself and make up for the damage that you have caused my inner psyche? Follow these directions: 1. Subscribe to this blog. DO IT! 2. Read and comment. In comment form. Where everyone can see. 3. Profess undying adoration to me. In comment form. Now. 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 daily. That's it! That's all I expect from you to make me feel better - to instantly change me from a sullen girl to a bright, smiling, and happy one. You have the power... yeah, you're in control... (Shira Girl... look it up if you want... good song). Better do it quick, though, or I just cannot guarentee what I will do to myself as a result of my despair... Oh, and hey - if you really believe the preceding paragraph, I have a bridge I am willing to let go for really cheap. Just drop me a message if you are interested.

In Which Amy Gets Propositioned.... (Myspace Blog)

As you all know, I do not usually post twice in one day... but this was so amusing to me that I have to share... This is an IM I got today, just a minute ago, here on myspace. I'm deleting personal information, since this is not about demeaning someone. Read it. Then go and read my profile. Then come back and read it again. There is a lesson here, kids... read a person's profile before you send a message. Make sure that you are asking for something that is humanly possible. (And make sure you spell words correctly... you have time before you hit send.) (Bold words are my accentuation - parts I thought were VERY funny...) Hello, How are u doing Today and How is work and everything and the weather.I hope ur doing great and having a great fun over there.Im Xxxxx by name ,But my friends call me XX,I love a woman that says her mind and a good listner and i thats really do shows a sign of true love.I love to play games checkers,.Pool and chess.I love to party yea sure..Love to dance and wine..you know..I'm a fun person and i love enjoy the good things in life.I love to travel on vacation and sightseeing.I want a future woman of Good Faith,honest God Fearing,Loyal,Friendly,Sensit ive,Reasonable,A lady that would be able to Understands when in Love.I would love a woman that would be able to love unconditionally and very conservative and caring and knows the right time for a man to be love..I would love to have a chat with you and know more abut you Okay..If you cant view my picture ,I promised to send it to your mail okay..Here is my contact adds ...xxxxxxx_006@yahoo.co.uk ..Alright..Waiting for your sonnest reply,,,I would love to caht coz am online now on the yahoo chat Im Okay..My Yahoo screen name is ''''XXXXXXX_006"""'... Have fun abd stay Bless. XX And he thinks I am going to meet his needs?!? Raise your hand if it is obvious to you that he has no clue about me...

In Which Possession Rears its Scaley Head... (Myspace Blog)

Websters Universal College Dictionary defines the word possess as, "1. to have as belonging to one; have as property; own. 2. to have as a faculty, quality, or the like. 3. to occupy or control from within (of a spirit). 4. to dominate of actuate in the manner of such a spirit. 5. to keep or maintain in a certain state. 6. to succeed in having sexual intercourse with. 7. to seize or take; gain." What is it about this words that worries at my brain? What is it about this word that makes me crave? It has very negative connotations, to possess someone, to be possessed by someone. Yet I know that I am not the only person in this world to think deeply along just such a train of thought. Sarah McLachlan writes, in her song "Possession", "And I would be the one To hold you down Kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away, And after I'd wipe away the tears Just close your eyes, dear. " These words ring true to many, myself included. How do I combine an equally deep need to be independant, to be free to make my own decisions and forge my own path? Can I be possessed by one that I love, possess that person in return, and still be /me/? As a feminist, I think that I must stand up for the rights of women, that we must be strong and capable and need noone, want noone. But this political belief has nothing to do with the thoughts that are going on inside my head when I lie awake and try to fathom how to put my life together in a strong, healthy manner. Is it even healty to want to be claimed? To want someone to be able to say "Mine" and it to be absolute truth? To be a cherished, loved, and deeply adored possession? There is so much more to this that circles in my head - things that I do not think I want my brothers and my sisters and my children and cousins and friends to know about me, at least until I have figured it out for myself. But think about it - what does it mean to be possessed, why does this need (for lack of a better word) manifest itself? What do you think? And just for the record, this does NOT necessarily mean that there is someone specific that I am thinking about. It does NOT mean that I am looking to find someone. It just means that I am thinking. (Update to blog post, 3 June, 2008: Yes, Stephen was in my life at the time. I lied. I wasn't ready to tell yet.)

In Which Amy Meets Serendipity... (Myspace Blog)

I got volunteered for teenage mall duty. Ok, I actually sort-of volunteered myself, if you want to get technical. And it turns out that it was a great thing on multiple levels. Kamy's boys wanted to hit the mall, mi hija tambien, and no other adult was free to be there while they wandered. Last week, I did the same thing and ended up sitting at Barnes and Noble's with a venti hazelnut soy latte and a copy of Laurel Hamilton's newest book "Danse Macabre". It was heaven, but only 14 chapters of heaven. 14 chapters is never enough when there are so many more than 14 chapters possible... so I jumped at the chance to go today. Picking up the boys from the Unitarian Universalist church was fun! So many people that I haven't seen in so long, being as how I go to church so regularly and all. (*cough-bull-cough*) Talking, catching up, etc. Very important. But the most exciting part happened /before/ I saw anyone I knew. I got there a bit before the service ended, so was in the foyer where they just happened to have a book sale going on. I LOVE book sales! I was excited and had not even started looking at books. Right off, I found 2 - "Ishamel" by Daniel Quinn, which my gut says takes a Christian slant, and "The Most Dangerous Man in America, Pat Robertson and the Rise of the Christian Coalition" by Robert Boston, which my gut says does NOT take a Christian slant. These looked interesting enough to spend, get this..., 50 cents each. But the miracle, the crowning glory of my morning, forces me to refer you back to my blog from 10-8-06 . Read through that list of books carefully... and at the very tippy-top of the list you find... "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. That's right - I found it for 50 cents! HaHaHa! That means, exactly 2 weeks after my to-read list came out, I have finished 2 of the books on it, and have the next in my hot little hands. Sorry, Brian... "Guns, Germs, and Steel" is going to have to wait a bit longer... because next is "The Selfish Gene". Just in case you are wondering, I still haven't finished "Danse Macabre", but I am on chapter 38! 1 more Sunday afternoon at the mall with a venti hazelnut soy latte oughtta do it.

In Which Amy Fights the Inner Child... (Myspace Blog)

Sometimes the child in my head is so very annoying... Yesterday, I dreamt that I stuck plastic game pieces up my nose, then spent the rest of the dream trying to dig them out. (which sounds even more gross when I write it down than it did when I dreamt it.) This dream was one of those dreams that is LONG - it felt like hours and hours of digging out the pieces in my nose. The piece I stuck in the right side of my nose was quite cooperative, and came out fairly quickly, but the piece stuck in the left nostril kept moving farther and farther up into my sinuses. Which, of course, meant that my finger kept moving father and farther up my sinuses also. Then, this morning, an hour and a half before I had to get up to go to school, *ting!* I'm awake. Just like that. I woke up so fast that it took me a minute or two to realize that I was awake. I thought that I might have been dreaming that I was awake, but nope, I was awake. And not just awake, but WIDE awake, like I had not been sleeping at all. And trying to go back to sleep didn't help - 20 minutes I lay there and my brain cried and ran and giggled to itself until I could not lay in bed another minute. So I yelled at myself a bit, and when I started whining that I wanted to GET UP and I didn't care that it is SATURDAY and who cares that the SUN is not even up yet and ALL RIGHT ALREADY! I'LL GET MY ASS OUT OF BED! *Sigh* The problem with the inner child is that you cannot send them out to turn on the television by themselves and let you sleep. Or beat them. Or make them get their own breakfast for once, dammit. Or get them to sit down and shut up. Or send them outside to play by themselves. Wait - how is that any different?

In Which Amy Admits to "Community Learning"... (Myspace Blog)

I am taking Chemistry this semester. I am not entirely sure that my decision was a sound one, but it needed to be done considering the fact that this class is 1 of 2 that I have failed in my entire college career (The second being an English class that I never went to...) The problem? Ohmygod do I hate chemistry.

The most amusing part of the whole situation is the fact that, originally, many years ago, I wanted to be a biochemist. What was I thinking?

So, part of my chemistry class is a lab. I have a lab partner, a lab drawer, a lab book, a lab notebook, and lab glasses. I'm apparently not yet cool enough for a lab coat... I'll get there. Oh, wait... I am NEVER TAKING CHEMISTRY AGAIN! I /won't/ get there. Yay!

But I digress. Not only do I have all those nifty lab gadgets, but I also have lab reports, due weekly, over things that we have not yet learned about. Without fail, I cannot answer at least some of the questions. Without fail, neither can my lab partner or many of my other classmates. So we have invented a wonderful solution... community learning.

As a critical pedagogist, I see community learning as a valuable tool in the classroom. Put a group of peers together, give them a problem, and let them alone to solve it between themselves. However, most teachers in the college setting look down their noses at such learning environments. But it works, as shown by my 95 in this lab class. When I don't know the answer, I find someone else in the class that does. Simple.

My daughter, upon hearing this, screamed in delight, "Mom, you're cheating!" No - community learning, I tell her. "Well, does your teacher /know/ about it?" Well - no... but it is still not cheating. Community learning. Yeah.

I'm going to go share my answers now...

In Which Amy is Speechless... (Myspace Blog)

Yes, I hear you. No, there was no blog yesterday. No, I am not going to post 2 today. Yes, I will do my best to get back on track. There is a reason for it... I don't feel like I have anything to say. That's right, Amy is speechless. Incredible, you say? Madness, you shout? Is Amy sick, you ask? No. Just - speechless. At least on here. Maybe it is the weather. Or the lack of sleep. Or the busy-ness. I don't know. But I do know that, at the moment I sit in front of the computer to write to all of you, I think, "There is something else I could be doing right at the moment." The books calling my name, or (even better) the bed calling my name. But take heart, family and friends... I am persistant. I will continue in my struggle to post a daily blog! I will defeat the procrastination monster! I will win! HaHaHa! Because I am the CHAMPION! WORLD DOMINATION IS BUT A HEARTBEAT AWAY! I WILL WIN!!! Yeah... ok. I think I am going to bed now.

In Which Amy Goes Back to School... (Myspace Blog)

So, today was the first day of a week that I get to spend teaching in my daughter's Freshman English class. This is very exciting to me. And I walked away very impressed. We started off the class with introductions. Part of which was my statement of teaching philosophy. I was met with blank stares when I said that I believed in teaching people to be critically concious (which I expected), so we began a conversation about the definition of the word 'critical'. I encouraged them to build their own definition, while making hypothesis about the type of teacher I was. Ideas included a teacher of law, a philosopher, a psychologist, and a 'free-thinking scientor'. These kids did an amazing job of building a definition of critical thought... and then we moved into trickier territory... culture. The point is to move on towards an understanding of cultural relevance, but you have to have a basic understanding of culture to be able to understand its relevance. And, many are aware of the fact that culture is a sticky word that tends to be hard to define. It is still a work in progress, but by the time they left class we had filled up chalkboards of ideas they had gleaned from academic definitions and they had the beginnings of a workable definition. I was amazed - I had planned to cover a whole lot more, because I had not expected them to be able or willing to go so deeply. So, tomorrow we go at it again. And I am more excited about it than I was today. There is hope... that these kids, taught in sitdownandshutup classrooms since Kindergarten, can catch on and dig the idea of being critically concious means that they can still grow to be critically concious adults. What a wonderful thing.

In Which Amy Rolls with the Wheel of the Year... (Myspace Blog)

It is officially autumn in my book. I am standing in the doorway of my house looking into my yard. There is a slight cool breeze, far better than the very cold breeze that has accompanied all the rain we have had for the past few evenings. (I adore the rain. My favourite days are always rainy ones.) The reason I know it is autumn is apparant when I look at the ground. It would crackle under my feet had it not been so wet. Leaves. Everywhere. Grey, brown, yellow, orange, red, all spread in a thin layer across my yard. There is more to come, because the tree they have come from is still green and vibrantly full of life. I love the autumn. It is the beginning and the end. We pull in the harvest, remember our dead, and prepare to give thanks for the things in our lives that are a blessing. And I have so much to be thankful for. This year has been a year of transition for me, and I appreciate the transition of the autumn more so because of it. Like me, the life of the tree is a state of flux, constantly changing with the seasons. This winter, while the trees lie dormant through the cold; I ,too, will lie dormant in many ways - my focus inward rather than out. I feel as though I have much to learn from this introspective reflection. Much to learn about myself, how I think, where I want to go in life, and what I believe and feel is worthwhile and worthy. This process of reflection does not come easily for me. I must struggle and fight my way through it because I like to believe that I am flawless and perfect, even though I /know/ that I am not. But this inner struggle is a challenge that carries many rewards. Not only do I stand to gain a greater perception of me, but I also stand to gain a greater acceptance of those who are not like me. I welcome this acceptance... there are so many different types of peoples. I want to be critically aware of the impact that I make while walking amongst them. Am I one who makes waves by speeding through without regard to culture? Or do I row in the midst of culture, basking in it and soaking it up like a sponge in order to internalize the fact that I am no different than they in so many ways. We each choose how we move among our family of fellow human beings. We can choose to make waves and expect the world to move the distance to meet us, or we can bask and soak and meet the world in the middle. I choose acceptance, even when it means that I am the one to do the work.

In Which Amy Has a Baby... (Myspace Blog)

I'm going to have a baby! That's right, I'm going to be an aunt! Again! Technically, Jim (brother) and Erin (almost sister) are going to have the baby but I am so bloody excited that I just have to take all the credit! I love babies. They smell good. So, this baby is going to be (a girl - don't ask me how I know...) either James Jacob or Devin Paige. And beautiful. Not to mention well loved. Personally, I will stand in line to babysit. This will be my 6th niece. A nice even balance for my 6 nephews. Yet one more reason that I am so happy to be alive right here and now. Congratulations, Jim and Erin. Love you both and Thanks for being a part of my family.

In Which Amy Turns Heads... (Myspace Blog)

Tonight was...interesting. Let me preface this by saying that I love local music. You should check out my friends list to find some of the local bands that I enjoy. This list is growing, so keep checking as I add more. Anyway, Worm-Hole, The Third Edge, and The Dirty Clydes were playing at Q-Time, and mi hija was really quite interested in going. This week has been hellacious (mid-terms... ewie.) and I thought, "What the hell", so off we went. Here is the catch - my 5 year old went too. Granted, it was an all-ages show, and outdoors; so we could stay far back and avoid the drinking and smoke, but it was still an interesting experience. Kristin went also, and she took her 4 year old daughter along. Both little ones were so excited - before we left we were sitting in the living room listening to them play in the back bedroom and hearing things like, "I want to see the Rocker boys" and "I hope they play the drums". We couldn't help but giggle and agree that they were excited. When we arrived, we had to walk through the bar in order to get to the patio where the concert was being held. Both little ones chattering and wiggling excitedly, we dragged them as quickly as possible through the bar, but the people in our path grew silent, stopped what they were doing, and stared. Some of them in open-mouthed wonder at our audacity, some of them in outright anger. The trip through the bar felt as though it were two miles long, as Kristin and I glanced at each other with wide eyes. Neither of us expected the response of the crowd. I think, had we slowed our trek even a bit, we might have been lynched. The rest of the evening was better; the kids excited to watch the band setting up, my small one acting shy in front of the people that he knew, then turning to me excitedly and saying, "I can't wait to hear his guitar!" But still, every time a person entered the patio, there was the moment of double take, the second of, "Is that a kid in her lap?!" Neither kid actually made it through the first of the three bands, but that was ok. The experience of being a part of something larger than them, the ability to watch as something that affects so many is created right in front of them, is priceless.

In Which Amy Notices Perspective... (Myspace Blog)

The last time I made my ex-husband angry, he called me the most awful, horrible name that he could think of... socialist. Never mind that it is truth, I AM a socialist. To him, it was the epitomy of Anti-American; the absolute bottom of the barrel, the most heinously awful thing he could possible imagine being. At first, I was offended. But, given time, I realized that the American perspective supported his conclusion. Socialists are considered the bane of American politics, a wonderful throw-back idea from the Cold War. Of course we are anti-American, we want to tyrannize and control and dictate. None of this is actually true; I have yet to meet a fellow socialist that is not painfully aware of the possibilities of tyranny and actively working against it. Neither are we so quick to get rid of America... just like any other player in the political field, we would like to see change. It turns out that I make my ex-husband angry all too often. Possibly, he felt dismay at the fact that I didn't seem to mind too much when he called me socialist, so he changed tactics. This time, he called me an extremist, and he did so to our daughter. I'll set up the scenario for you: He dropped her off after a week + of visitation. He expressed a desire to make sure that he had her during the time that his father was visiting for the holidays. I said, "Maybe we should just celebrate Yule instead of Christmas," seeing as how both of the 'other parents' celebrate Christmas, and it is very unimportant to me... it might be nice for everyone's needs to be met, and I was willing to be the one to give in. So he walks my daughter outside, and tells her that this proves his point that I am an extremist. Does anyone else see the problem? He chose to have a detailed conversation with a young, impressionable girl in regards to things HE sees as negative things about her mother... I am not a religious extremist... sometimes I feel like I do a pretty bad job at being religious at all, and I am ok with that. I don't believe in 'religion' anyway. And I am not a political extremist... many have told me that I do not do enough in the political realm. I am ok with that, too. I do what I can. My kids are free to make their own choices in each of these areas, and most of the time, I share my political views with them only when asked. (Unlike others, who are quick to be judgemental of any opposing political view, and are pushy about shoving thier ideals into conversations and email in-boxes.) The fact that this was told to the teenager about her mother bothers me the most. I do not believe that any person should hear negative things about one parent from the other. I work very diligently to make sure that I do not talk about him in any manner that might be considered negative. I /want/ her to love him. I think that we shall see whose plan was more effective as she gets older. I just hope it does not end up biting ANYONE in the ass.

In Which Amy Spouts Randomness... (Myspace Blog)

It is 5 o'clock in the morning. I am awoken by a tiny voice in my ear - "Momma-there is a starfish in the window." What? A what? "A starfish, Momma, look. A starfish. In the window. There is a starfish in the window." When I finally manage to pry my eyes open and get to the bedside lamp, I see that my son is asleep, in his bed, talking. "Momma, the starfish needs to come in, open the window. No!! DON'T OPEN THE WINDOW!!!" This screaming wakes him up and he blinks at me, then tells me that I woke HIM up, and to turn off the light. Whatever, wacky child. Off goes the light. 10 minutes later, I have just had enough time to get back to sleep, when I hear a tiny voice in my ear - "Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can..." He is singing. And THAT was the beginning of my day... On an entirely unrelated note, today it is official that more people have read my blog than have looked at my site. I am not entirely sure how that is possible, but it is true. What a shame that so few of those 93 people that have read my blog say anything about it. Especially since most of them are my family... On another unrelated note, I just have to say that I hate studying. Especially for midterms. And at 2 o'clock in the morning. And ALL the time (which is how it feels...) Anyone want to study for me? I promise that I will not mind.

In Which Amy Could Have Died... Again... (Myspace Blog)

There are times when beauty can kill you. The first time this happened to me was the first time I heard the song "Perfect Time of Day" by Howie Day. I was driving home from work, it was overcast and drizzley and the clouds were tumbling over the mountain and it was so beautiful, what with the rain and the clouds and the colours and the song that I thought I could die and even THAT would be beautiful, with the image of perfect beauty in my eyes. I think I just might have drifted off into death, but I thought of my children and it pulled me back into the world and I made it home safely. This morning was the second time. It was far earlier than I am usually even awake, let alone out of the house, driving. Last night had been rainy and hail-y, so I had fallen asleep listening to the plink of hail on the roof. When I left the house, it was still dark, there was water thick on the ground, and the windows of my car were heavy with the almost-frost that is indicitive of the fact that autumn is on her way. Almost as soon as I got on the Interstate, I noticed a very light fog. I was excited! I love fog, because it is so rare! By the time I reached Mesquite, it had become quite heavy; I could barely see the car 20 feet in front of me, and I was starting to get just a bit scared. Then the most amazing thing happened... the sun started to rise. "Perfect Time of Day" came on the radio, and the sun glinted like diamonds off the fog. It was beautiful, the intense beauty that is almost scary like death. My breath caught in my throat, I had to fight to remember how to drive, and, once again, I felt that this beauty was so.... passionate that I could drift off and be blessed to die with beauty like that in my eyes. It was beyond gorgeous. Once again, this thought scared me a bit more, and I thought of my children. Once again, they drew me back, and I remembered that this was not a gift of death, but of life. Though I still had to be careful to remember how to drive, because those diamond gems twinkling like the stars kept calling my name and it was so very tempting... I wonder if I would have had experiences like these before if I had taken the time to stop and notice them, or if they are truely tiny gifts of the Universe that happen so rarely. If that is the case, how lucky am I that I have seen beauty like that, not once, but twice. And how lucky am I that, each time, such beauty has chosen to accompany itself with such a beautiful song. Very lucky indeed.

In Which Amy Finds the Lighter Side... (Myspace Blog)

The nightmare was one of those where I wake up with a jerk, adrenaline pumping. 'Creepy Guy' had hypnotized me and kidnapped me and thrown me into an oubliette, and I knew I was going to die because he wanted to wear my skin, and he was going to skin me alive, and I couldn't get out. An hour later, after writing it all down, thinking about it, and being grateful that it was "only a dream", I was still shaky. Two hours later, sitting in Chemistry, I was struggling to write because I was STILL shaky. And three hours later, sitting in English, the instructor brings in the frog. It is a skinned frog. Skinned and stuffed. It is holding a beer bottle as if it were guzzling it and it has been covered with shellac and I cannot imagine how on earth she can possible stand to touch it. She has named it Fred. I am creepily reminded of my dream... and instantly aware of the fact that my nightmare, at least in part, has come true for this frog. I wonder if 'Creepy Guy' would have shellacked me. She wants us to write about Fred- something funny. She almost sets the frog in front of me and I recoil, then explain the dream to her and the class. They stare at me blankly - maybe I am the ONLY person who has nightmares like this. But she does not set it in front of me after all. I am glad. I have to work to be funny, because I do not see anything funny about this frog... and then the glimmer appears. This is what I write: "I imagine him at a bar - Western. He needs a cowboy hat and chaps. He has been riding hard all day - Ooo... an outlaw! Yeah, shooting innocent women and children. He sidles up to the bar after slamming back the swinging doors. His spurs click as he walks with the bowfoot swagger. "Gimmie whiskey - the whole bottle!" His clothes and skin are brown from the dirt of the trail. He tips the bottle back and guzzles it, draining it dry then slamming it down like a gunshot - he has 2 pistols, 1 at each hip, slung low. He clinks to the poker table and pushes his way in, growling. The cantina girls do not approach, but he grabs the nearest and pulls her down onto his lap - her eyes are wide with fear. He growls to be dealt in. He cheats, a barfight erupts - he throws the cantina girl to the floor to fight." Not bad humour for such a crappy nightmare.

In Which Amy Adds to the 'To-Read' List... (Myspace Blog)

I wish I had free time to read. Being in college, having two kids, a house to clean, animals to take care of, and chauffeuring to do makes it difficult to do the things I want to do - like read. (I hear those fellow college students saying "But you do get to read... textbooks!" That's just not the same...) My desire to read gets particularly strong when people tell me about other incredible books they have read. Especially when the books sound so good that I want to read them too. In order to solve my dilemma, I have decided to add to my 'To-Read' list. This list usually comes out only at the holidays, when my family gives me book after book as gifts. I can never choose which one to read first, so I put them on a list, then read them down the rows. My list has been empty for a while, since I finished the holiday books in May. But the time has come to add to it again. Here is what is on my 'To-Read' List right now: (*this is a book that I have in my possession) Richard Dawkins "The Selfish Gene" Richard Dawkins "The God Delusion" Jared Diamond "Guns, Germs, and Steel" Jared Diamond "Collapse" Sam Harris "A Christian Nation" Thomas L. Freedman "The World is Flat" something by Stephen J. Gould * Paulo Freire "Pedagogy of the Opressed" * bell hooks "Teaching Community" * Betsy Reed, ed. "Nothing Sacred: Women Respond to Religious Fundamentalism and Terror" * Cherrie Moraga, Gloria Anzaldua, eds. "This Bridge Called my Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color" * Kim Stanley Robinson "The Years of Rice and Salt" Hell, since my list is active anyway, I would love for you to add to it... What wonderful tomes of knowledge would you recommend for me to read? Nothing is off-limits: I think that I will read just about anything. But I would especially love to know which books shaped you or changed your thinking. And since we are recommending books, here are a few for you. Read them... because I said so. A. A. Milne "The Complete Winnie the Pooh" Isabel Allende "The House of the Spirits" "The Complete Kama Sutra" translated by whoever you want

In Which Amy Points the Finger.... (Myspace Blog)

It is all Travis' fault. No, really. It is. All his fault. Do you want to know why? I'll tell you. See, I sold out. I said that I would never give into the myspace phenomenon. I would never enslave myself to a computer site that is simply for the false security of having 20 gazillion 'friends'. But no, Travis says, "Amy, you HAVE to get a myspace! Everyone needs a myspace! And YOU especially need a myspace!" with his fucking infectious excitement. And I think, how bad can it be? Ha! How bad can it be indeed! Because now I don't sleep. Being anal retentive, of course school doesn't get the time shaft. Something has to give... so I don't sleep. And all of a suden, I have an overwhelming need to see who might talk to me. And how good a 'friend' I am. And an undeniable need to blame it all on Travis. Not only this. (As if this wasn't enough!) Last night, after driving for HOURS (1) simply to see him, (And no one else. Really.) Travis says to me, "I think there is benefit to having a free-market system." Argh! I know nothing about the free-market system, so now I have to research it before I can comment! Damn! It really is all Travis' fault. Here are some other things that are all Travis' fault... *the sun rises too early in the morning... *not enough beer because I have to drive...*HR 6166 AND HR 4437.... *crazy need to blog daily... *Sunburns... *the fact that, even with all this, I LIKE Travis... I am sure there is more. I am sure that I could go on forever. I am also sure that there are others of you that can add to the list of things that are Travis' fault. Feel free to add them. Just so we can all show Travis how much we care.

In Which Amy Ponders the Implications of Shoes... (Myspace Blog)

I want to talk about shoes. There is a guy who walks to class barefoot. This makes me happy. I do not know why. He is tall, with longish-blonde hair - a hippie like me maybe? Anyway, I think he is important. I think I have things to learn from him. Is it the freedom from the constraint of wearing shoes? He makes me want to write about them.

A college campus is the perfect place to write about shoes - there are so many to see. Tennis shoes, dress shoes, pointy toed, black lace, high heeled, flip flops, sandals (though none like mine... are 'Jesus sandals' really so unusual?) I think people are the only species to cover their feet. Does this further our inherent human need to distance ourselves from the animals?

Signs tell us "No shoes, No shirts, No service". We have societalized the need to wear shoes, taken away the choice to wear shoes or not - Why? Does it matter if you have shoes to go into a convenience store? Are the candies going to be infected by a persons' dirty feet stepping on the dirty floor that the candies don't even touch?

Wow - I never thought of the concept of shoes being, really, a concept of control. We are told that we MUST wear shoes. I am sure that people walking by barefoot guy think how strange he is, how abnormal. We are brainwashed into believing that 'different' means 'abnormal'. I like that he has rejected this means of direct control. I like that it makes me question - whose authority is it to decide whether or not I wear shoes? Why is it anyone's decision except for mine? I think I need to go and sit where I can watch these tiny control devices more closely... perhaps there is more to them than meets the eye.

I am going to have to stop barefoot guy and tell him what I have learned from him...

In Which Amy Thinks About Civilization... (Myspace blog)

I was having a delicious cross-cultural (he in the UK, me in the US) political discussion, when my very old and dear friend Stephen said, "Civilization occurs through depriving those around you of pure free choice of action..." I had to stop and think... how do I feel about this? Is this truth? And I couldn't say. Partly because I had never stopped to think about WHAT civilization was. SO... I did some research. I took what I found and put together a very tentative Amy-nition of civilization. I am curious as to how others define it, so please share with me, and help me to develop my own knowledge about this surprisingly sticky topic. In a few days, I will follow up and post what my research showed me... and my own definition. It is very interesting stuff.