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Saturday, 26 May 2007

07:18 am - dream... livejournal post

I was at my moms house for a family gathering, They were all mad at me and not talking to me... so I decided to become an insect lawyer. I was representing this very pretty white leaf like insect who also happened to be deadly poisonous. She kept threatening to bite me, and I was scared of her. But she was really pretty. This is what she looked like, but white white, and not as big, with about 100 legs underneath, completely flat, and a bit more delicate. Anyway, I was not doing a very good job representing her, and she was going to lose, so I tucked her into my pocket and helped her escape. She told me that she wanted something (this is the part of the movie where one character whispers in the others' ear, and the scene changes before you know what was said...)

I tuck the insect under a blanket and tell her to hide there and stay put, then I go. Suddenly, I'm in a pharmacy, and I have to crawl over a huge piece of furniture to get to the window, where I explain that I am an insect anthropologist and that I need a syringe for dispensing medication to children because the insect wants milk and minestrone soup. The pharmacists gets all excited, and tells me to hold on, runs to the back, and comes out about 10 minutes later with a bowl of chili. He tells me to try his minestrone soup. Its not minestrone, its chili! I make excuses and remind him about the syringe and he gives it to me but pouts as I walk off.

I get home with milk and minestrone soup mix in a bag, and start cooking. I rescue the insect, who has been trying not to drown in a puddle of water that has appeared in my bed under the covers. I watch as she balances all her feet on top of the water and floats. The cat apparently pushed her into it. I get her a graduated cylinder of milk and fill the syringe, but she dives in head first to drink it all. Then I bring in the minestrone, which I also made with milk. Then Stephen sent me a text saying he loves me and his mum and Norbert are there and they were going out. This, of course, woke me and the dream ended.

Everything was fine, but I got the willies when looking up pics of the insect to link here, so I think it might have been a nightmare. I'm scared of leaf bugs, now. :(

And Christine... I want to go to the farmers market too!

Current Mood: groggygroggy

Dream... (LiveJournal Post)

I was at my moms house for a family gathering, They were all mad at me and not talking to me... so I decided to become an insect lawyer. I was representing this very pretty white leaf like insect who also happened to be deadly poisonous. She kept threatening to bite me, and I was scared of her. But she was really pretty.


This is what she looked like, but white white, and not as big, with about 100 legs underneath, completely flat, and a bit more delicate. Anyway, I was not doing a very good job representing her, and she was going to lose, so I tucked her into my pocket and helped her escape. She told me that she wanted something (this is the part of the movie where one character whispers in the others' ear, and the scene changes before you know what was said...)

I tuck the insect under a blanket and tell her to hide there and stay put, then I go. Suddenly, I'm in a pharmacy, and I have to crawl over a huge piece of furniture to get to the window, where I explain that I am an insect anthropologist and that I need a syringe for dispensing medication to children because the insect wants milk and minestrone soup. The pharmacists gets all excited, and tells me to hold on, runs to the back, and comes out about 10 minutes later with a bowl of chili. He tells me to try his minestrone soup. Its not minestrone, its chili! I make excuses and remind him about the syringe and he gives it to me but pouts as I walk off.

I get home with milk and minestrone soup mix in a bag, and start cooking. I rescue the insect, who has been trying not to drown in a puddle of water that has appeared in my bed under the covers. I watch as she balances all her feet on top of the water and floats. The cat apparently pushed her into it. I get her a graduated cylinder of milk and fill the syringe, but she dives in head first to drink it all. Then I bring in the minestrone, which I also made with milk. Then Stephen sent me a text saying he loves me and his mum and Norbert are there and they were going out. This, of course, woke me and the dream ended.

Everything was fine, but I got the willies when looking up pics of the insect to link here, so I think it might have been a nightmare. I'm scared of leaf bugs, now. :(

And Christine... I want to go to the farmers market too!

Friday, 25 May 2007

My Day, Looking Backwards. (LiveJournal Post)

I am craving spinach today. Spinach and peanut butter. I can't seem to get enough of either. I catch myself with a spoon, dipping into the peanut butter jar, then follow it up with raw spinach like a cow chewing cud. It must be disgusting.

I know why I do it. It's the protein and the iron. I generally crave raw spinach. During the period of months that there was none available because of the salmonella problem, I thought I was going to die. I was craving it so bad I might have eaten it and taken the risk.

The peanut butter is the last month or so, and I think it might be the protein, and because of the fact that I have cut meat out of my diet drastically. Yes, I still eat meat, but maybe 2 or 3 times a week versus daily. It is supposed to be healthier that way. I don't know, if I am craving protein.

Yes, I'm beating around the bush. I'll stop now and tell you what you want to know. My day.

It actually started off pretty good. Busy, anyway. Dar surprised me by getting here around 8.15 while I was making breakfast for Boo. (Malt o' Meal with sugar - always reminds me of when I was a little girl. My dad used to make it for me) She was rarin' to go work on the storage unit, and I DID tell her that I would go help. We actually made it out of the house by 9.15, dropped Boo of with Chris, then went to town. We threw away an entire dumpster of crap. It felt good. I came back with a few things, but the most important was a box. A white box with blue stripes. A falling apart box, by this time. It holds all of the letters and cards and love notes and trinkets that have ever been sent to me. And some I have written and never sent. I have waited to do anything with all of the letters and cards from Kim because of wanting this box. This is where they will go. A graveyard, I suppose, of love.

I had an appointment to have my hair cut. (No, just a trim... not cut off) which I was late too because a very tired boo was too busy throwing a fit to go to sleep. He is almost 6 and still does not do well without a nap. He just can't keep himself together when he is even a bit tired. So I ended up leaving him screaming, and was stressed all the way to the hairdressers. And I even felt a bit uncomfortable there. Not that she did anything, I was just feeling the beginnings of unwelcome and loser that come around this time.

I ran away as fast as I could, looking forward to hiding at home.... and things happened.

Finally... Ah.... silence. Boo outside playing, silence. So I sit and start going through old letters in my box. Mistake. Alarm is going off in my brain and I ignore it. Bwap Bwap Bwap! 10 minutes later I'm sobbing and feeling so freaking lonely, like I am a terrible person to have treated all these people this way, totally unlovable, sobbing so much that my collar on my shirt is wet.

I spent the rest of the night trying to pick up the pieces.

I am doing this by drawing. I have started a piece, and so far it really gets my lavalampymorosetwisted thing in my head. Maybe I'll share it when I'm done. But don't laugh. I can't draw.

So no period yet... maybe this is the worst day, which means I should start in about 3 days. It's a bad month.
I don't think it helped that Stephen and I did not talk at all today.

Speaking of, thanks Andrea for reminding me to update you all on that topic. Christine mentioned the other night as I was whining to her about it, "Does he not realize that loans are the only way a person can go to college anymore?" And it made me think - maybe he DOESN'T know that. Maybe this is one of those weird cross-cultural miscommunication thingies. So I talked to him about it. And it was. He says that he can't imagine owing the 20,000 that I owe as it stands right now, but that he understands. It bothers him, though. There, a bachelors degree doesn't work like this. I don't really understand how it /does/ work, but that's ok. The bottom line is that it concerns him how much money it is, but he sees that 16000 is less than the 24000 I expect to borrow to finish my degree here, and I can look into them. I won't though, until I hear back from the university. Monday I'll send them an inquiry email again.

So this is my long ranty whiny post about my PMS days. I'm ok - don't worry about me, but do love me. I think you guys are the best friends I could have. And I want to keep you. Thanks for checking up on me tonight, Andrea.

Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about the storm.

And tomorrow is Strawberry jam day! Tristan, Fiona, and I are making jam! Yummy yummy! What time??? Christine, what time do I get Fi and from where???

Love you guys...

09:34 pm - my day, looking backwards. livejournal post

I am craving spinach today. Spinach and peanut butter. I can't seem to get enough of either. I catch myself with a spoon, dipping into the peanut butter jar, then follow it up with raw spinach like a cow chewing cud. It must be disgusting.

I know why I do it. It's the protein and the iron. I generally crave raw spinach. During the period of months that there was none available because of the salmonella problem, I thought I was going to die. I was craving it so bad I might have eaten it and taken the risk.

The peanut butter is the last month or so, and I think it might be the protein, and because of the fact that I have cut meat out of my diet drastically. Yes, I still eat meat, but maybe 2 or 3 times a week versus daily. It is supposed to be healthier that way. I don't know, if I am craving protein.

Yes, I'm beating around the bush. I'll stop now and tell you what you want to know. My day.

It actually started off pretty good. Busy, anyway. Dar surprised me by getting here around 8.15 while I was making breakfast for Boo. (Malt o' Meal with sugar - always reminds me of when I was a little girl. My dad used to make it for me) She was rarin' to go work on the storage unit, and I DID tell her that I would go help. We actually made it out of the house by 9.15, dropped Boo off with Chris, then went to town. We threw away an entire dumpster of crap. It felt good. I came back with a few things, but the most important was a box. A white box with blue stripes. A falling apart box, by this time. It holds all of the letters and cards and love notes and trinkets that have ever been sent to me. And some I have written and never sent. I have waited to do anything with all of the letters and cards from K because of wanting this box. This is where they will go. A graveyard, I suppose, of love.

I had an appointment to have my hair cut. (No, just a trim... not cut off) which I was late too because a very tired Boo was too busy throwing a fit to go to sleep. He is almost 6 and still does not do well without a nap. He just can't keep himself together when he is even a bit tired. So I ended up leaving him screaming, and was stressed all the way to the hairdressers. And I even felt a bit uncomfortable there. Not that she did anything, I was just feeling the beginnings of unwelcome and loser that come around this time. I ran away as fast as I could, looking forward to hiding at home....

And sister is here when I arrive.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister. She had come over to do laundry. And brought all three kids. To my clean house. Which is no longer clean. And while she was doing laundry, she disappeared, leaving me with the two babies. I passed the baby off to Chris, who was playing video games in the living room, and tried to entertain older niece, who is 1. Nothing doing. Someone is just too tired to not scream, and the more she screams the more my head feels like it is going to burst like Ghallager's watermelon and then Chris is trying to hand younger niece (10 months) to me too. And I just can't. I don't know how I manage not to say anything to anyone... but sister eventually goes home. And I was glad. She didn't even finish her laundry, left it for me to take off the line, but I didn't care. I was ready for her to be gone. I needed down time.

Ah.... silence. Boo outside playing, silence. So I sit and start going through old letters in my box. Mistake. Alarm is going off in my brain and I ignore it. Bwap Bwap Bwap! 10 minutes later I'm sobbing and feeling so freaking lonely, like I am a terrible person to have treated all these people this way, totally unlovable, sobbing so much that my collar on my shirt is wet.

I spent the rest of the night trying to pick up the pieces.

I am doing this by drawing. I have started a piece, and so far it really gets my lavalampymorosetwisted thing in my head. Maybe I'll share it when I'm done. But don't laugh. I can't draw.

So no period yet... maybe this is the worst day, which means I should start in about 3 days. It's a bad month.
I don't think it helped that Stephen and I did not talk at all today.

Speaking of, thanks Andrea for reminding me to update you all on that topic. Christine mentioned the other night as I was whining to her about it, "Does he not realize that loans are the only way a person can go to college anymore?" And it made me think - maybe he DOESN'T know that. Maybe this is one of those weird cross-cultural miscommunication thingies. So I talked to him about it. And it was. He says that he can't imagine owing the 20,000 that I owe as it stands right now, but that he understands. It bothers him, though. There, a bachelors degree doesn't work like this. I don't really understand how it /does/ work, but that's ok. The bottom line is that it concerns him how much money it is, but he sees that 16000 is less than the 24000 I expect to borrow to finish my degree here, and I can look into them. I won't though, until I hear back from the university. Monday I'll send them an inquiry email again.

So this is my long ranty whiny post about my PMS days. I'm ok - don't worry about me, but do love me. I think you guys are the best friends I could have. And I want to keep you. Thanks for checking up on me tonight, Andrea.

Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about the storm.

And tomorrow is Strawberry jam day! Boo, Fi, and I are making jam! Yummy yummy! What time??? Christine, what time do I get Fi and from where???

Love you guys...
Current Mood: irritatedirritated

07:05 am - livejournal post

this morning's dream...

It was the end of the school year, and there was a big party. I was supposed to be gone, but I just kept going back, over and over again. I would leave and find a reason to go back. I kept going back until everyone was gone except Sergio, the other teacher. He told me I should get married. At one point during this going back theme, I was playing with a cute little blonde girl, her dad arrived and I wouldn't give her to her dad. I was insistent that she keep playing, and she kept looking over her shoulder at her dad. She obviously wanted him, and to go, but I wouldn't let her.

When I finally did leave, I decided to go to my dad's. When I arrived, there was a riot on the street: but the riot was Amtgard. Everyone was fighting each other in garb and with padded swords. I was with Kenny, hiding in the back of my dad's truck, peeking our heads over to watch when someone came up behind us and threw a dagger at my back. Kenny got mad and jumped out of the truck and was suddenly in garb and just another part of the riot, so I got in my car and left to my dad's house. (I know, I know - it was confusing. I /was/ at my dad's house, but now I'm going to my dad's house.) I drove into the mountains, and the doors on the tunnel had been bent into this shape by the wind: ). They were huge thick metal doors, and I thought it was odd, but kept going.

I finally got to his house, a beautiful A frame nestled under tall huge trees. It aged in front of my eyes in minutes, until it looked old and worn out, and my dad came out and told me he was getting around to fixing it up. He went back in, and I was standing on the porch holding onto the railing looking at the trees when I noticed the biggest one was going to snap in half. I could see the bulge where it had already started. I decided to warn my dad, but before I could, it snapped and fell... in slow motion, crushing the house in the middle, right beside me, sliding toward me, me thinking I'm going to die by being pinned to the house by this tree, and I jump in slow motion... and land on top of it. My heart is pounding, I'm panting, I can't hold myself up... and my dad comes out surprised.

Anyone want to guess what it means?

Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable

This mornings Dream... (LiveJournal Post)

It was the end of the school year, and there was a big party. I was supposed to be gone, but I just kept going back, over and over again. I would leave and find a reason to go back. I kept going back until everyone was gone except Sergio, the other teacher. He told me I should get married. At one point during this going back theme, I was playing with a cute little blonde girl, her dad arrived and I wouldn't give her to her dad. I was insistent that she keep playing, and she kept looking over her shoulder at her dad. She obviously wanted him, and to go, but I wouldn't let her.

When I finally did leave, I decided to go to my dad's. When I arrived, there was a riot on the street: but the riot was Amtgard. Everyone was fighting each other in garb and with padded swords. I was with Kenny, hiding in the back of my dad's truck, peeking our heads over to watch when someone came up behind us and threw a dagger at my back. Kenny got mad and jumped out of the truck and was suddenly in garb and just another part of the riot, so I got in my car and left to my dad's house. (I know, I know - it was confusing. I /was/ at my dad's house, but now I'm going to my dad's house.) I drove into the mountains, and the doors on the tunnel had been bent into this shape by the wind: ). They were huge thick metal doors, and I thought it was odd, but kept going.

I finally got to his house, a beautiful A frame nestled under tall huge trees. It aged in front of my eyes in minutes, until it looked old and worn out, and my dad came out and told me he was getting around to fixing it up. He went back in, and I was standing on the porch holding onto the railing looking at the trees when I noticed the biggest one was going to snap in half. I could see the bulge where it had already started. I decided to warn my dad, but before I could, it snapped and fell... in slow motion, crushing the house in the middle, right beside me, sliding toward me, me thinking I'm going to die by being pinned to the house by this tree, and I jump in slow motion... and land on top of it. My heart is pounding, I'm panting, I can't hold myself up... and my dad comes out surprised.

Anyone want to guess what it means?

Thursday, 24 May 2007

09:38 pm - It's official... livejournal post

My house is clean.

I don't know if I feel better, but I'm tired and I'm sore from busily cleaning my fool head off. All that is left is some laundry I left hanging on the line. I'm too freaking tired to get it off.

While I may not know if I feel emotionally better yet, at least I feel like I can breathe in my own house again. And now I won't be quite so apologetic when people come over to visit.

Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted

It's Official... (LiveJournal Post)

My house is clean.


I don't know if I feel better, but I'm tired and I'm sore from busily cleaning my fool head off. All that is left is some laundry I left hanging on the line. I'm too freaking tired to get it off.

While I may not know if I feel emotionally better yet, at least I feel like I can breathe in my own house again. And now I won't be quite so apologetic when people come over to visit.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007

09:51 am - livejournal post

09:51 am [protected post]

I can tell I am closing in on my period.

Yesterday was full... my younger niece had 4 seizures in as many hours, no fever involved. Sister panics, and calls me. B is a total prick and was mad at her for taking younger niece to the hospital, so told her that if she wanted to get home, she could call a 'fucking taxi'. Prick. I could totally use some release of aggression. On his physical being.

Then I /finally/ hear back from financial aid. And the answer is no. Not a chance of financial aid for England. I'm stunned. I can't really think. And I certainly don't know what to do next.

But no time to process, too busy busy busy. I kept older niece last night, because Mr. prick gets drunk. I did it FOR SISTER... and yet she made it sound to him as though I were offering to help him out. I'm not entirely sure I would spit on him to help him out right now.

(Can you see the mud-of-depression sucking at my boots?)

So then another night of not sleeping well, and my house is trashed and I just want to crawl into bed and hide and Stephen said he does not want me taking out a loan and I am feeling bloated and fat and I just want to bawl like a little baby.

How am I supposed to positively know that I'll be in England when I can't figure out a way to pull $16000 out of my ass?

It didn't help that I told my sister the very shortened update on the Stephen situation and her response was "Amy, he doesn't love you'" and then this morning he didn't tell me that he loved me before I logged off (he is really sick, and who says it matters if it gets said every time anyway, and I kind of logged out before he had a chance to say it anyway)

I have lots of similes for how I am feeling. I'm tied to a stake at low tide and the water is lapping at my feet. I am walking in a swamp, can't control my body and I can feel the bog starting to suck me down. I am standing in quicksand and I'm starting to sink but I can't seem to move.

I hate this time of the month. It feels an awful lot like drowning in despair. I'm trying to stay positive, but...

Current Mood: gloomygloomy

Sunday, 20 May 2007

09:23 am - What's in my Head... livejournal post

Today my head is filled with images of paintings. Big bold colours, minute details of abstraction and in-depth renderings of complex doodles. I feel driven to paint and draw and fiddle, and frustrated that I do not think that I have the ability. But I do, I know I do.

It is like watching a lava lamp, and the glowing blobs of goo are what I want on paper, but filled with lines and dots and eruptions of colours.

*sigh* But I really should keep plugging on cleaning and rearranging the house.

Which will win? Practicality and clean-the-housedness? Or the strong fishing line of creation that has its' hook in my cheek?

dunnodunnodunno....

Current Mood: creativecreative

What's in my Head... (LiveJournal Post)

Today my head is filled with images of paintings. Big bold colours, minute details of abstraction and in-depth renderings of complex doodles. I feel driven to paint and draw and fiddle, and frustrated that I do not think that I have the ability. But I do, I know I do.

It is like watching a lava lamp, and the glowing blobs of goo are what I want on paper, but filled with lines and dots and eruptions of colours.

*sigh* But I really should keep plugging on cleaning and rearranging the house.

Which will win? Practicality and clean-the-housedness? Or the strong fishing line of creation that has its' hook in my cheek?

dunnodunnodunno....

Saturday, 19 May 2007

07:54 am - Morning - livejournal post

I dream a lot.

I used to write down my dreams every night. And I remembered even more of them when I did. I have books and books of them written down. With everything going on, it seems that waking up to write down my dreams is just too much effort, so I don't remember as many. But I still dream.

I think that my dreams mean something, though sometimes it seems that they are nothing more than my brain making up for the fact that I don't watch movies. Not that I am EVER able to figure out what they mean.

Anyway, I had a dream last night. A frivolous dream, I thought, until I told Stephen about it this morning. He said it wasn't a very good dream. It didn't seem that bad to me, but I guess that would depend on your perspective. You see, I have A LOT of nightmares. Wake Up Screaming nightmares. Nightmares that are sticky and I can feel and remember them hours later. Nightmares during which I cry in my sleep.

I have nightmares so bad that while I was with Stephen in England, one night he slapped me awake, and it was wonderful. I needed and wanted him to. Because it got me out of it.

Ok, so last nights dream, as told to Stephen this morning:

Amy: I was taking a class and the final exam was to go out and be the first one back with a newsworthy story...
Amy: and there were hundreds of people in the class
Amy: so a mad rush to get out of the building
Amy: so many people that I was having to climb down the sides of the stairwell
Amy: and you met me at the bottom.
Amy: we walked in the parking lot, and I thought about doing a story on the bumper stickers of the cars in the parking lot, and hypothesising presidential election results based on political bumper stickers
Amy: when a guy from the class drove his car into a crowd of people, then jumped out and ran into the building to write a story on it.
Amy: and i was in such shock. i couldn't make the phone work. so you dialed 911 for me.
Amy: and it jumped ahead
Amy: and the guy apparently had a son, whom we adopted.
Amy: who hated us, and the dream ended with the three of us outside talking about how his dad would never get out of prison
Stephen: not that great a dream
Amy: and him plotting to kill us and attempt a prison break.
Stephen: eek
Amy: it was like a cliff hanger movie.


The guy had driven his car through a chain link fence and into a huge crowd of people, killing as many as he could. There was blood and screaming and all kinds of mayhem. And he jumped out of his car and left it there in the midst of all the destruction and death and ran in to write about his newsworthy story.

At the end, when the son is plotting to kill us, the three of us are standing beside a well. He has a piece of foam core board and an X-acto knife and is cutting a shape out of the interior of the foam core board while he is questioning Stephen and I about his father. I thought it was going to be a person shape at first, but it ended up being a very sloppy giant X.


Spending time with you the other day, Christine, made me stop to ponder the fact that there was a well. But I still have no clue what it means.


Oh, yeah, and by the way... the only reason I put a mood is because I like the little cat. It may not always be accurate. I just like the little cat. I think I'll name him.... Fred. Fred the Little Cat.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

7:45 AM - Morning. (LiveJournal Post)

I dream a lot.


I used to write down my dreams every night. And I remembered even more of them when I did. I have books and books of them written down. With everything going on, it seems that waking up to write down my dreams is just too much effort, so I don't remember as many. But I still dream.

I think that my dreams mean something, though sometimes it seems that they are nothing more than my brain making up for the fact that I don't watch movies. Not that I am EVER able to figure out what they mean.

Anyway, I had a dream last night. A frivolous dream, I thought, until I told Stephen about it this morning. He said it wasn't a very good dream. It didn't seem that bad to me, but I guess that would depend on your perspective. You see, I have A LOT of nightmares. Wake Up Screaming nightmares. Nightmares that are sticky and I can feel and remember them hours later. Nightmares during which I cry in my sleep.

I have nightmares so bad that while I was with Stephen in England, one night he slapped me awake, and it was wonderful. I needed and wanted him to. Because it got me out of it.

Ok, so last nights dream, as told to Stephen this morning:

Amy: I was taking a class and the final exam was to go out and be the first one back with a newsworthy story...
Amy: and there were hundreds of people in the class
Amy: so a mad rush to get out of the building
Amy: so many people that I`was having to climb down the sides of the stairwell
Amy: and you met me at the bottom.
Amy: we walked in the parking lot, and I thought about doing a story on the bumper stickers of the cars in the parking lot, and hypothesising presidential election results based on political bumper stickers
Amy: when a guy from the class drove his car into a crowd of people, then jumped out and ran into the building to write a story on it.
Amy: and i was in such shock. i couldn't make the phone work. so you dialed 911 for me.
Amy: and it jumped ahead
Amy: and the guy apparently had a son, whom we adopted.
Amy: who hated us, and the dream ended with the three of us outside talking about how his dad would never get out of prison
Stephen: not that great a dream
Amy: and him plotting to kill us and attempt a prison break.
Stephen: eek
Amy: it was like a cliff hanger movie.


The guy had driven his car through a chain link fence and into a huge crowd of people, killing as many as he could. There was blood and screaming and all kinds of mayhem. And he jumped out of his car and left it there in the midst of all the destruction and death and ran in to write about his newsworthy story.

At the end, when the son is plotting to kill us, the three of us are standing beside a well. He has a piece of foam core board and an X-acto knife and is cutting a shape out of the interior of the foam core board while he is questioning Stephen and I about his father. I thought it was going to be a person shape at first, but it ended up being a very sloppy giant X.


Spending time with you the other day, Christine, made me stop to ponder the fact that there was a well. But I still have no clue what it means.

Thursday, 17 May 2007

In Which Amy Gets Excited... (Myspace Blog)

So...

Wormhole had their CD release party last night. I was oh so flattered to hear from Travis, begging me sweetly to go, saying that I was missed. Aww... so of course I said I'd go. (Have any of you tried to stand your ground against a crying, begging Travis? No? Well, let me tell you... it's not easy to do. I just cave. It's the puppy-dog eyes, I think...)

It was fun, it was late, I was tired. But I bought a CD, had it signed for hija (who was mad about it being an over 21 show) and brought it home. I looked at it, but I was tired, so I just fell into bed.

This morning, however, I pack up the CD to listen to in my car. And took a moment to read the thank you's to see who I knew (its kind of exciting to think that I know some of the people being talked about. :) You understand, I'm sure.)

Reading, reading, reading... Wait! is that MY name? Holy smokes, it /is/ my name! My name is on the thank yous?! OH MY GOD!!!!

I felt like I was in the second grade talent show and my three little pigs skit had just won first prize. Again. I did a dance. I swear, I did. In my car. MY NAME WAS ON THE THANK YOUS!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

I don't feel like I am an important enough person in the life of this band to have deserved it. They are my friends, I support them because I love them. And their wives, with whom I enjoy spending time. As Chris says, "not a groupie - family."

Wow. I'm overwhelmed and humbled.

I really love all of you. And am quite proud of your accomplishments. And the CD is awesome. So awesome that my cars' CD player didn't want to give it back. Greedy CD player. Mine.

Mi compadres y amigos, soy agradecido. Gracias. Te amo. Todos.

In Which Amy Answers Chris H. ... (Myspace Blog)

Chris H. posted this. We should ALL answer and get some great dialogue going. I, too, am REALLY INTERESTED to know what you think.

I challenge you…

"Here's the deal. I'm sick and tired of all the useless garbage that people normally ask you in those online surveys. I'm interested in what you really THINK. I have ten questions for you. They will require more thought that the ones you're probably used to seeing on MySpace, but they are worthwhile subjects and well worth the time spent thinking about them. My aim is not to judge you by your answers, nor to filter out those people who don't think the same way I do. I just feel that the free and open expression of ideas is a wonderful thing. And I am REALLY INTERESTED in what you have to say about these particular ideas."

1.)Q. Are you for the right to choose, or the right to life, or some other view when it comes to abortion? Please explain.

1.)A. I believe that each person should have the right to choose to terminate a first trimester pregnancy. While I, personally, do not think that I could abort any pregnancy, I do not believe that I have the right to impose my belief onto others. Each unwanted pregnancy that comes to term is an unwanted child. Until a foetus is viable on its' own, then I do not believe that child has a 'right to life'. Once a foetus is viable (which gets to be earlier and earlier) then I believe they gain rights. I do see the need for exceptions to this, so in addition I have to state that I believe there must be some room for flexibility in regards to rape, incest, and determination of significant foetal damage.

2.)Q. Are you for immediate withdrawal from Iraq, or a timetable for withdraw, or indefinite continued military presence (i.e. Germany after WW2), or some other alternative? Please explain.

2.)A. I do not believe that the Iraq war was one that we should have started to begin with. That being said, I think it would be irresponsible of us to wade into the pot, make a mess, then not stick around to clean it up. We must come up with a workable timetable for withdrawal that ties up our loose ends, sets up the Iraqi people to be fairly self sufficient, and gets troops out of there as soon as possible. I believe we are poised to see another Vietnam if we are not careful.

3.)Q. Do you believe religious topics should be free game for public school teachers, or that prayer should be allowed in public school, or that religion should be kept out of public school altogether, or some compromise? Please explain.

3.)A. In Amy's perfect world, each faith would be comfortable enough in its own skin to be looked at critically. Each teacher would be conscientious about doing their work and determined to present all faiths for review. Each student would be willing to have an open mind and look outside their comfort zone without defensiveness. But we don't live in Amy's perfect world. Therefore I believe that there should be a very strict (even more strict than what the US has now) separation between religion and school. If you can't present them ALL, then you should not present ANY. *Until the day that there is true separation of church and state, I will fight for a student's right to have the same rights for their faith that children raised Christian do, i.e. wear religious jewellery, form student groups, offer prayers, refrain from the pledge of allegiance, etc.*

4.)Q. Do you believe that the presidential election should be determined by the popular vote as in a true democracy, or that the electorate was created for a reason which is still valid today and should remain our standard for selecting the president, or some other alternative? Please explain.

4.)A. Let me explain the origin of the electoral college… it was designed by rich white men to keep rich white men in power. It minimizes the impact of individual vote, because the founding fathers were not interested in freedom for all, but keeping power to the few that they deemed worthy. (In other words, wealthy, educated, land owning White men.) I believe that the electoral college should be done away with and each vote should count equally. (And I have to point out that we do not live in a truly democratic society, but a capitalistic one, the differences betwixt the two are great, and they are perpendicular to each other.)

5.)Q. Do you support the death penalty fully, do you think it should be eliminated altogether, or some middle ground? Please explain.

5.)A. I am strongly against the Death Penalty. This was another, previous post (2 January, 2007, if you are interested.)

6.)Q. Do you support euthanasia (often referred to as the right to die or assisted suicide), do you think that anyone who helps someone commit suicide should go to jail (including doctors), or some other alternative? Please explain.

6.)A. I DO support an individual's right to die with dignity and in a way they choose. THIS must be a future post. I have a lot to say about it.

7.)Q. Do you think that gays/lesbians should be allowed to marry, or that there should be some alternative other than marriage, or that marriage should be constitutionally defined as being between a man and a woman, or some other view? Please explain.

7.)A. I believe that anything less than full marriage rights for gay, lesbian, and transgender persons is discrimination. None of that should matter in regards to LEGAL marriage. I could give a hoot what each church chooses to define as marriage in their faith, and believe they should be allowed to grant or refuse religious marriage to their hearts content. However, legal marriage should be no different; no matter the colour, creed, race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. of the people involved.

8.)Q. Do you think that all firearms should be made illegal except to trained law enforcement or government agencies, or that new and stricter gun ownership laws should be enacted, or that current laws are enough if they are enforced properly, or that current laws are too strict, or that the right to bear arms is a fundamental constitutional right and that everyone should own one as soon as they can be taught to pull a trigger, or some other view or combination of views? Please explain.

8.)A. This is a hard one for me to describe. I am not really sure where I stand. Perhaps partly because I am not sure what the current gun laws say. (Shame on me.) But here is what I /do/ believe. Guns are not toys. Guns should not be toys. Children should not have toys guns that look real EVER. Toys like this should not even be sold. Children should not be exposed to guns, because guns do not solve problems. The more people have guns the less likely they are to try to find a different solution to a problem, the quicker they are to resort to violence. Violence begets violence and someone has to be the one to stop the cycle. Police officers and other law enforcement agencies should have guns, but the only other reason to own a gun is to hunt. (But only if you eat what you kill.) Ok, you all can shout it together… HIPPIE. I know.

9.)Q. Do you think that the U.S. should close its border to all immigration, or that immigration laws should remain as is as long as they are enforced, or that sneaking into this country is a crime and all illegal aliens should be prosecuted and/or deported, or some other view? Please explain.

9.)A. Yet again, another difficult to answer question. And I'm not sure. So I'll think more and post later.

10.)Q. Do you think certain drugs should be legalized in the US, or that marihuana is OK for medical use only, or that the drug laws should be more strictly enforced as is, or that newer and stricter anti-drug laws should be established, or some other view? Please explain.

10.)A. Here is what I think should be done. All drugs (including cigarettes and alcohol) should be made legal for CONSENTING ADULTS (age to be negotiated, but at least 21) in private or designated areas. (Not public places where those who do not consent are open to second hand exposure.) The government should take control of the manufacture and distribution of said drugs, and all drug paraphernalia. Items essential to safe use (such as sterile hypodermics and graphic literature on the dosage and results of said drug use) should be provided without stigma and free of charge, and disposed of in the same manner. Drugs should be /heavily/ taxed. Resulting taxes should be used to promote recovery programs, provide socialized health care, and to pump money into law enforcement. There should be a complete restructuring of the drug laws, which should provide EXTREMELY stiff penalties for ANYONE who provides any drug to minors or non-consenting adults, who expose children to conditions of drug use, etc. The penalties should be so stiff as to have no second chances and no chance of parole. The goal is to make it so easy to get and the penalties so stiff that no one in their right mind would think about providing to minors. Adults, in my opinion, have infinite right to fuck up their own bodies, up until they begin to harm others.

Let me point out that there is NEVER one answer for every situation. There are always exceptions. I can think of many just for the 10 questions above. Plus, my views are mutable things, as I am very willing to look at things from different perspectives. If you see it different and want to tell me so, fine. I'll listen and think about what you have said. If there is undisputable logic, your views may change mine. Know, however, that I won't criticize your ideas. I am a dynamic thinker, and to stagnate is to die. By extension, I trust that I will be offered the same freedom to express myself without criticism.

Sunday, 6 May 2007

In which Amy Wants to be a Geologist... (long w/ pics) (Myspace Blog)

So this is the story of our geology field trip. I have decided that I want to be a geologist when I grow up. My daddy, the-geologist-who-has-been-stuck-on-sides-of-moutains-and-called-ME-for-help, will be SO freaking proud of me.

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This is me. Yes. In my AWESOME Earth friendly Recycled-Plastic-Bag hat. I am playing Geologist. Notice the backpack for holding random rocks (strapped over the chest like any REAL geologist) and the groovey Hippie-chick plaid shorts. Almost as cool as golfing attire. But not quite.

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This is Erika. We have Geology together, and we study together. Today she is playing Photographer/Filmographer. She is AWESOME at it too, by the way. Notice her Many-Pockets-for-Holding-Rocks Geologist pants. She likes rocks with one direction of cleavage. This makes her Uber-Geocool. Or something like that.

We went to Lucero Arroyo, an arroyo just off I-10 at Radium Springs. When you get there and look, you don't think that there will be anything to see, but you trek down into quite a significant sized arroyo. It is just inside NMSU land, and they prosecute tresspassers, so if you decide to go and see for yourself, make sure you don't get caught.

The first stop on our mile hike is this particular arroyo cliff.

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Notice the two different colours of rock? The purple on the bottom is called Palm Park formation, and it is about 50 million years old. The top is called Camp Rice formation, and it is only about 5 million. I want to live to be 5 million...

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The bedding of the Palm Park formation is angled about 45 degrees from horizontal, while the bedding of the Camp Rice formation is horizontal.

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This is a nice example of an Angular Unconformity, since there is no explanation what happened in the 45 million years between the 2 types of rock. Plus the colours are pretty.

Next stop: This cute little gentle knoll of rock.

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This is called an anticline. It is a little frown shaped formation. Had it been smile shaped, it would have been called a syncline. But it's not, so it's not. So there.

Notice how the rocks in this little outcropping are lining up with each other? No? Well, they are.

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This is called imbrication, and it is an indication that the rocks were originally placed here by strong currents of moving water. The direction of the imbrication tells the direction in which the current moved. In this case, from the left to the right of the screen.


Here is an example of a lahar, a volcanic debris flow.

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This particular lahar is a part of the Palm Park formation (it's purple) and is made of andesite. Geology Guy says that this means there must have been a volcano here.

Yah, like he knows stuff. Sheesh.


Now we start to see a new rock formation. It is yellow and chunky and is called the Abo formation.

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It is actually the oldest of the rock formations we see, having had 290 million happy returns. There is a fault between the Abo and Palm Park formations. This video will show you. And yes, that is the wind. Really.



Ok, so everyone repeat after me... Normal faults are produced by extension.

In case you are lost, here is a diagram...

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This is Geology Guy straddling the fault. Purple Palm Park formation on the right, yellow Abo formation on the left. I wonder if I would get to straddle faults if I were a geologist...

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A bit later on, we see quite a bit of siltstone (And I figured out what it was, yay me!) with fossil imprints of plants. Here is one, kept large for you to see the fern fossil in it.

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This is an example of jointing, rocks that crack and expand without additional movement. It almost looks like a puzzle. Erika and I tried to pry some up to take with us, but to no avail. It just wasn't coming.

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Now we are almost to the end of the mile hike, and we discover fossiliferous limestone. There were amazing fossils in this, worthy of a few pics.

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Notice that all the fossils are marine? As a Geologist-for-a-day, I can tell you that that MEANS SOMETHING.

Geology Guy said that marine=ocean.


In the end, this is what we figure out. In the Early Permian, there was a completely different set of mountains that have since eroded away, along with an ocean that rose and fell with the change in the ice caps. We had rivers and lots of fern type thingies and marine creatures. The REAL geologists drew up a map, just to make it easier to understand. Notice the detail and professional quality artistry.

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Along the way, we saw things like mud cracks and burrows of little mud-dwelling creatures, leading Erika to record this video of my questioning Ms. Huff about the differences between two rocks with different burrows.



I even SOUND like a Geologist!

We also saw a horney toad. I like horney toads, having forced them to spit blood out of their eyes at me as a child, so I am leaving his picture large. No, we did not mess with him. Poor thing has probably never seen so many giants in his life, plus they are an ENDANGERED SPECIES. Yes, for reals. Yes, you should feel guilty for torturing the poor things. Go wash the horney toad blood off your hands now.

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(Hija saw this picture and said, "Oh, look at him!! He's so horney!!" *sighs*)

And finally, the part that Erika said just proves that I am meant to be a geologist. We are walking back. There is a small fault sticking a foot or two out of the ground. I jump up on it...

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and shout "It's not MY fault!"

I thought I said the funniest thing in the world. So did Ms. Huff. We rolled on the floor laughing. It WAS funny, dammit! Erika, however, just smirked and said it was geologist humour.

If I had known that all it took was stuffing a backpack full of random rocks and being funny, I would have become a geologist it a long time ago.