In Which Amy Wants to Remember... (Myspace Blog)

Here are some things that I really want to remember about this holiday:

* Erin and her tiny baby belly. I think its a girl... I'm pretty sure.

*Outside of Marianne's house, Nikki walks up to me and leans against me and says... "Aunt Amy... you have a smell." Is it a nasty old lady smell? no. It is a good smell then? yes. Is it distinctive? yes. Will she smell it forever and identify it as my smell? yes. She says it is not the patchouly of my hair, or the lavender of my clothes... but ME. My smell. I have a smell.

*Wrapping presents with Marianne and Matt and talking. I miss talking with her... and she called me her best friend. I miss talking with her... I spilled my guts about current situations and it was nice... she was supportive... and I miss talking to her...

*Meeting Nathan and Ian for the first time... and the rest of the trip wherever we walk, Nathan reaches to hold my hand. I like Heathers' boys.

*The old rusty lawn chair hidden in the woods... and the hour I sat in it listening to the quiet and having alone time. Nice.

*Fuzzy vines mean poison ivy... and they really are fuzzy!

*Hide and Seek in the dark, but it is way too scary to play. I hide under the car and I am the first person Pat finds. That means I'm it... but I know everyone will hide in the darkest parts of the yard, so Matt offers to hunt with me. He actually does all the work, but I can pretend that I was it.

*Heart to heart with Mom... and I don't really like what she has to say, but it is valuable anyway. I'm so grateful that she cares enough to tell me things that are not so fun to hear.

*Lizzie comes to Matt and Marianne's house... and it is the first time I have seen her since she went into the military. She is not a little girl anymore.

*Sleeping on the floor... I really really miss my kids... and I'm homesick. Georgia is pretty, but I don't think it is a place that I want to live.

In Which Amy Talks about Traveling for the Holiday... (Part 1) (Myspace Blog)

So, this is part 1 of my holiday extravaganza! No... there is no part 2 yet... because part 2 hasn't happened yet. It will, starting tomorrow morning, when kids scream and throw themselves on presents... yeah.. you know how xmas morning looks.

So, the original plan was for me to leave on Yule... AFTER a circle with my coven. I was going to take laundry and other things, drop mi hija with her father, and pack at my moms' house. Circle at 7... plenty of time. Right? Right...

I don't actually make it to the circle. I don't actually make it to mi hijas fathers' house until 10... and my moms' until 11. Then laundry... 2 loads that won't dry. We are supposed to leave at 5 am... at 4 am I am dozing on the couch trying desperately to finish the laundry so I can pack, eyes red rimmed and tired... and 6 shots of Baileys Irish Cream in me. (Mom did it...I walk in and she says 'Have some!' and how the hell am I supposed to say no to that? Just because she went to bed and left me to drink them alone means nothing, I swear...) My lips were nice and numb.

Eventually laundry gets done and I shower and there is only time to rush rush rush and weren't we supposed to leave at 5? Maybe... but we ACTUALLY leave at 6:30... after I am told that 2 suitcases is too many and am forced to shove all my stuff into 1. Tight squeeze, but my nephew sits on it and we manage.

The plan is to make it to Dallas to pick up sister 3, see brother 2 and sister in law on day 1 (9 hours), then drive overnight into Georgia on day 2 (12 hours). Somehow, it doesn't seem to work that way.

Day 1 -So we leave, and it is fun, and exciting, and I am looking out the window... and by mile 250 I am wishing that I had brought my charcoals and a sketch pad (note to self: never go on a trip without your charcoals and a sketch pad!) and by mile 350 I am bored. We watch 1/2 of the movie Serenity before Amy gets sick. Like turning green sick. Pull over and puke sick. Ihatecars sick. We stop for lunch. Amy does not get to finish the movie, which upsets her, because she really really wants to. We finally get into Dallas 12 hours later. I wont detail the rest of that day, as it involved lots of laughing at Amy for being sick, and lots of Amy trying /not/ to be sick. Seeing brother and sister in law was so fun and perfect... and makes me miss them even more.

Day 2 - I drive in the early hours of the morning for a bit. Fun.. but it is dark and the road feels like it is coming out of nowhere, there is fog that falls from the sky, and the trees are dark and creepy at the side of the road. I can't think about it too hard without scaring myself. BUT - I go through 3 new states... Louisiana, and Mississippi, and Alabama. I seem to have an ongoing love affair with a restuarant called 'The Waffle House'. I see them every 2 miles or so.... the are following me in the dark. Really. Then breakfast time (not at Waffle House... they are stalking me...) and I'm done with my stint of driving.

Next Sister 3 drives.... and I get so so sick. She drives like she has to in Dallas... aggressive, quick movements that jerk us across lanes. No that this is bad... but I spend the rest of the trip asleep in a desperate attempt to avoid having to pull over to puke. I wake, she changes lanes, I turn green and promptly fall back asleep. My music is pounding in my ears to try to cover sounds of conversation that might keep me concious. Everytime I wake I groan and ask where we are... the car turns a corner, I groan again and turn green and fall back asleep. My nephew thinks this is the most amusing thing ever.

After getting lost, we make it to Georgia and the hotel by 1... (17 hours). They have a treadmill! yay! And I run a mile to make up for the fact that I have sat on my tush for the last 31 hours. A mile is all I can do... I am dragging so. I meet 1 nephew that I hadn't before, saw one that I hadn't seen since he was two, and hugged sisters that I haven't seen since mi hijo was an infant. Dinner at family's house and I am beat beat beat by 8. We get back to the hotel and I am asleep before my mom stops talking.

Wake next morning for breakfast, and go for a run with said nephew, who is 15 and thinks that all people should have the energy and stamina to run like him. I am dragging... so tired that I can't think. Plus I'm old. Which means he teases me about being slow and not keeping up. I think we managed a mile before I was stick-a-fork-in-me done. Everyone else went to go shopping... all I want is a nap. So I go to sleep... and my sisters have to go to the front desk to get a key because I do not wake up to answer the door. or the phone. or the hollering outside the window. I dont actually wake until my nephew is tickling my feet. (which I hate)

Then the afternoon with family and kids is spent playing and cooking and making candy and my baby sister gets there! and /all/ of the girls are in the same place so lets take pictures! and wrap presents and talktalktalk and hide and seek in the dark, but I am too scared to play long because it is so DARK! And there are monsters... BUT I now know what poison ivy looks like.

So, tonight Santa comes to Georgia. Amy wakes early... and part two begins.

Happy Holidays!

I miss my babies!

OK, FINE! In Which Amy Might Share a Little Bit... (Myspace Blog)

Summer - 1996. Amtgard. The Gathering of the Clans. I am hanging out with Kayrana and Spirit. Gwynna, Kayrana, and Spirit. Spirit, Gwynna, and Kayrana. We are a triad. Inseparable.
When we meet them I remember being stunned by their accents - so very British. So very sexy. Right proper gentlemen, they. Fang - and Azrael. Lovely, deliciously gorgeous slices of merry old England - here. In the woods. Alone. With us.

We coddled them. Went everywhere with them. Introduced them to everyone we knew. Taught them what a cloved orange was, without actually giving them one. Showed them who was cool and who was not. Showed them where was fun and where was not, what to drink, what NOT to drink, and where it was safe to pass out for the night. It was FUN. Fang woke from his alcoholic stupor the next morning with his contacts glued to his eyeballs from having slept in them. Azrael smiled a lot and was quiet.

The weekend passed quickly, and a friendship developed. Azrael and Gwynna - running into each other on the amt-mux, then wandering off together over IM. And the feeling snuck up - and never left.

I craved him. Running into him was a joyous delight that ground my day to a halt. Encounters were never often enough, always hours long, and full of wonderful conversation. I craved him and never asked too much. I never dug into the person behind the persona. But I never stopped craving him.

Soon enough, pictures exchanged, poems sent, packages of shortbread and other baked goods air-mailed, and letters and music cassettes and always 'I love you's when saying goodbye. And I meant it - but I didn't say that.

Conversations with his mum and sister - packages back and forth - and then nothing. Life went on. Splitting up. Marriage. Babies. Occasional emails to catch up, full of love and wishes to talk more, then fading into the distance of life. We danced around each other. Don't let him too close, Amy - love him from a distance or he might know - he might figure it out - and then you lose it all. Better to be peripheral friends. He is too valuable to lose.

Then, divorce. Big. And alone. And it is good, it is cleansing, but it hurts. Then it heals. Slowly. Time passes, and suddenly it is 6 months and he is still there, always there, has always been there and you never say anything, Amy, why? But England is so far away... and is it worth it to lose such a friend? An old and dearly valued friend?

Thoughts and conversations. We get deeper. There is a person behind the facade and god... I like the person even more! Agony... looking back and it is a slap in the face - READ the emails, Amy - years of them - and it is obvious. OBVIOUS. And I want to let that go? BUT BUT BUT...
Deep breaths. Take a chance, Amy. Take a chance. Does it hurt to move on and take a chance? So I close my eyes. I breathe in. I leap...



And find out that he has saved every conversation we have ever had.

I find out he has saved every email that we have ever sent.

Every 'I love you' - he spoke truly.


Panic - god oh my god - what do I do now?! England is so far it will never work everyone will laugh it is all online he is just a bounce back it's too soon i'm being silly what the hell am I thinking oh god oh god - and then it is 9 months of time alone... and how can 9 months be a bounce back? How can 9 months be rushing? For that matter, how can 10 years be a bounce back? How can 10 years be rushing?

And so.....

This is my Stephen,
and I am His Amy.
I have loved him for
10 years - and he
has loved me back.

And the rest is just details.

The End

In Which Amy Reveals her Secret Holiday Plans... (shh...) (Myspace Blog)

So, what is Amy doing for the holidays?

Well...

NO rainbow vomit. (otherwise known as Xmas lights)
NO fake trees
NO real trees
NO ornaments
NO presents
NO Santa
NO Xmas cards
NO cookies
Well.. ok... some cookies. But NO sparkles on them
NO silly hats with bells and fur
NO candy canes
NO presents

NO kids.

Kinda sad, you'd think.... but mi hija and I decided that we were both ok with the long list of no's... and there are trees and lights and yaddayadda elsewhere. Nice to have an xmas not based on the materialism of the season. Nice to be free to relax rather than getting caught in the hubub of the holiday.

The part that makes me a bit sad is the no kids part... My youngling to his other moms and my oldling to her dads. They will have fun... it will be good for them. Me, on the other hand... but there are other holidays.

Actually, I am doing something for the holiday. I am packing me and my stuff into a van with my mom, 2 of my sisters, and my nephew and we are driving. First to Dallas, to pick up a third sister and see my brother and his almost-so-close-to-time wife and kiss 3 year olds and rub slightly bulging baby bellies. Then to Georgia, to spend a wonderful few days with yet another sister, her husband, and their family. I really am excited, even though the trip will be grueling. I have never been to Georgia. I hope it snows. Not that I would know what it was if it did... (This is snow?! WOW! It is so wet... and cold! My fingers are numb! I can't feel my toes! This sucks! Lets go inside and drink hot cocoa!)

Then back home to vegetate and recover from a horrid semester. But only 2 more before blocks... I am almost done... I think I am starting to taste it.

Or is that sand? It has been really windy....

In Which Amy Finds her Grades... (Myspace Blog)

It's the end of the semester... and that means its grade time.

I was pretty sure I could guess what I was going to get... A+ in Advanced Comp., B in Chemistry, B in Ed. Psych, and A in Perceptual Motor Development.

BUT... I saw them this morning. Yes. I did. Yes. I'm happy. Yes. I rock.

Here they are... *drumroll please...*

English 311 - Advanced Composition - A+
C EP 210 - Educational Psychology - A
P EP 218 - Perceptual Motor Development - A
Chem 111 - (only the hardest class I have ever taken ever) - B

Yay me! Better than I expected.

In other school related news... I had a stressful week... of being jacked around. The Education Department is re-doing the Early Childhood Degree plan. I knew this. I was fine. Until Thursday, when I went in to visit my advisor, Deborah, to turn in some drop/add slips for 2 classes, that is. Luckily, Deborah likes me and looks out for me.

Her: "Um.... Amy...."

Me: "Hey! How are you!"

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Me: "You don't look too happy..."

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Yeah. Anyway, it turns out that I was going to be forced into the new degree plan. And she could not tell me what that would do to my graduation date. beep! So I waited while she did some figuring. The next day she called me, to tell me that it was going to add 2 semesters onto my graduation date. 2 semesters! No... nonono. I refuse to add another YEAR onto this beep bachelors degree when it is only a means to get me into a Master's programme!

I told her this. And she listened to me cry and whine, and said, "Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you."

So Monday comes. And she calls.

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Me: (oh, beep... this is how the whole conversation started last time...)

Her: "Can you come in? Right now?"

Me: (panic) "Um... ok."

So I did. And here is what she found.

*Change my degree to Elementary Education.
*Graduate at the originally planned date.
*Do not take any summer classes for the rest of my bachelors programme.
*Have a lighter courseload than I did before.
*Be able to fit classes in that will allow me to graduate with an honours thesis.
*Take Aurthurian Legend as a graduation requirement.
*Figure out that degree actually fits better with my planned Master's Degree and Doctorate.
*Smile and Be Happy.

I so like Deborah... maybe I should make her brownies.

In Which Amy Says READ THIS... (Myspace Blog)

This is something that everyone one of you should read.

I didn't write it... Kristin did. But just pretend that I have had time right now to write it - the sentiment is pretty much what I would hope that I would say.

Except that I can't say I have never been married.

Finals is next week... 10 more days before I have time to do something besides study!

Ok - here it is... READ IT!!!

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=59974752&blogID=200424701&indicate=1