In Which Amy Talks of Mother... (Myspace Blog)

My mother means well.

She and her husband (my stepfather) have a washer and dryer for me. They have had it for a while. It is sitting in their back yard, I suppose, since they are not using them anymore.

She has said they will bring them up for a month now. In the beginning, I was excited. I have lived in Las Cruces since 1995, and the only time my mother has ever come over was once when she picked up my sick sister, then came to pick up mi hija for a trip to her father's. She has never come to visit me.

Please do not misunderstand, I am not upset that I have to wait for the washer and dryer. When the time comes, it will happen. But I find it interesting that I am told that the road travels two ways... I may not travel it often, but I do travel it.

The truth is that I do not understand my mother. I am not here to bitch about her, and I'm not full of anger or angst. I just don't understand her. She is a Martian. She speaks a different language. Or, to be fair, maybe I'm the alien...

Yeah! I'M an alien! From the Pluto formerly known as a planet. And I have come to earth to take over the world. But don't worry, I am not a tyrant, or even a dictator. I am a benevolent ruler. Yeah. With a big crown. And jewels... shiny jewels that grab the light and throw it back at you.

That's Martian Amy to you...

In Which Amy Sees the Light... (Myspace Blog)

Ah! (That was a long sigh of relief, in case you were wondering...)

Chemistry test #3 is done. I don't actually think I did too shabbily, considering how difficult I find the class, and by extension, how much I dislike it. I made out with a B, I believe.

Plus, all these group projects are almost done also... One paper tomorrow, one presentation Saturday, the last presentation next Thursday.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a forthcoming end to this semester. Huzzah.

Following presentations, all I'll have to do is 1 take home final in one class (The Saturday one, which always seems to cramp my style), 1 test and the final in another class, more revisions and rewriting in English, and the end of classes and final in chemistry. While it sounds like a lot when I list it, it certainly doesn't feel like a lot.

I have to hang onto the fact that I am, really, almost done. With the semester, and with my Bachelors degree, too. I often think that I am never going to finish... that there is so much else I would rather be doing, that I would be more productive and a better parent were I to concentrate on things besides school. I must not give into such bullshit! I have to finish this degree, then into the Master's program, where maybe I'll feel like I am making a difference. Or, I hope, anyway.

So this is my affirmation for the day... I am almost done with the semester... I just have to finish and then I can take a break before I do it all over again. It feels like I'm sprinting... but the finish line is so close... I just have to not quit.

Breathe, Amy, breathe...

In Which Amy Corrupts Technology... (Myspace Blog)

I am a Corrupter of Technology. Or at least that is what Jimmy says.

I was sitting at home, minding my own business, being morose and thinking about crying, when he called. To 'talk'.

'Talk'ing, in this case, involved me opening my mouth and spilling all my miseries out onto him... and him nodding and hmmming and occasionally inserting listening noises any place he could get a word in edgewise.

According to my brother, in the end, the problem is that I am an egocentric decision maker. Along with most of the other people in the world. I am also not good at using technology appropriately (i.e. using it the way he would like me too...) and am therefore (with exasperated sigh included) a CORRUPTER of TECHNOLOGY. Believe it or not, this actually made me feel better, to have him tell me this. There is the reason I cannot bear to be a slave to my stupid cell phone! I am a corrupter. It is not because I have a bad memory and forget to take it off vibrate after class, or just plain forget to take it with me. Nope, I am a corrupter. That is my problem.

Lucky for me, he had a solution for it too... "Little sis, you just need to TAKE CONTROL."

Take control... this makes me laugh. Me, who cannot ever decide what restaurant she wants to eat at, needs to take control. I AM taking control - of feeling morose and teary eyed.

This is, of course, not as deep as our conversation went... and my telling him of my decision not to post all the personal stuff lead him to reiterate that I was a corrupter... what is the point of having a blog if I am not going to post personal things? And while I see his point, I still don't think I wanna.

So, in the end, he tells me that he is glad we could have this chat, and how happy he is that I am now laughing and joking with him. He says, "And hey, I win!" which in Jim-speak means "I am so glad that you are feeling better and that I could help and I love you even if you do corrupt technology every chance you get."

I love my brother... who else knew to call me?

In Which Amy Reads About God... (Myspace Blog)

The package I mailed finally arrived, so I can talk about the most wondrous present I have ever sent to the UK - a book called "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins. (See my blog 10-8-06 to find it on my reading list...) I bought it as a birthday present for my very dear friend who lives in the UK (Stephen), and expected to send it on its way and be done with it. However, it is an author he recommended to me, and my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it. And everyone knows, if I open a book, I have to read the book.

I started thinking, "I'll just read a few pages, then I'll put it down and mail it to him." Pretty soon it was, "I just won't think about how late this gift is going to be... he doesn't even know it is not on the way yet." Finally I broke down and told him, "I have to read it. Every word." That is what I did. When I finished it the first time, I decided that I had to read it again; possibly even twice more. I couldn't do that with his gift... it is only fair to make someone wait so long, but no longer. So I packed his book up and shipped it off, and bought my own copy.

Now I get to read and read and write in the margins. I am taking notes and making comments and circling passages. And Kristin, Jake, Jimmy, and I are all reading it out loud together. By the time I'm done I will have read it three times. Once out loud and twice to myself. Maybe then I'll be able to have a deep enough understanding of the concepts to incorporate them into my beliefs.

You see, this is a book that speaks against a supernatural deity. And he presents a very convincing argument... so what do I believe? Some of it fits easily - I already do not believe in creation and I do not believe that we are moral or good because we are watched by god... I do not even believe that good morals or values are necessarily those promoted by the Christian faith. But there is so much more to his argument than that.

For example, he speaks against the concept of a "Christian child". Or a "Muslim child" or a "Jewish child" on the basis that these children are not yet old enough to decide on their own. I must look at my own experience - the way I have and am raising my children in particular. I do not believe I have forced my beliefs on them... I have flat out told my daughter that she is not yet old enough to choose a path, and that she must look at many paths before she can choose one that is right for her. I have even told her that she is not Wiccan until she is old enough to choose to be, if the time comes that she does choose.

I am looking forward to re-evaluating my own belief system... and slightly nervous. What if I am unable to change my mind? Or am unable to merge this information into what I believe? I am, right now, choosing to look more broadly, come what may. I am choosing to look logically. I am choosing to not hold on to an ideology that is not supported. And it is going to be an interesting trip.

You all should read it too... and then lets talk. I'd love to have more people to discuss this with.