OK, FINE! In Which Amy Might Share a Little Bit... (Myspace Blog)

Summer - 1996. Amtgard. The Gathering of the Clans. I am hanging out with Kayrana and Spirit. Gwynna, Kayrana, and Spirit. Spirit, Gwynna, and Kayrana. We are a triad. Inseparable.
When we meet them I remember being stunned by their accents - so very British. So very sexy. Right proper gentlemen, they. Fang - and Azrael. Lovely, deliciously gorgeous slices of merry old England - here. In the woods. Alone. With us.

We coddled them. Went everywhere with them. Introduced them to everyone we knew. Taught them what a cloved orange was, without actually giving them one. Showed them who was cool and who was not. Showed them where was fun and where was not, what to drink, what NOT to drink, and where it was safe to pass out for the night. It was FUN. Fang woke from his alcoholic stupor the next morning with his contacts glued to his eyeballs from having slept in them. Azrael smiled a lot and was quiet.

The weekend passed quickly, and a friendship developed. Azrael and Gwynna - running into each other on the amt-mux, then wandering off together over IM. And the feeling snuck up - and never left.

I craved him. Running into him was a joyous delight that ground my day to a halt. Encounters were never often enough, always hours long, and full of wonderful conversation. I craved him and never asked too much. I never dug into the person behind the persona. But I never stopped craving him.

Soon enough, pictures exchanged, poems sent, packages of shortbread and other baked goods air-mailed, and letters and music cassettes and always 'I love you's when saying goodbye. And I meant it - but I didn't say that.

Conversations with his mum and sister - packages back and forth - and then nothing. Life went on. Splitting up. Marriage. Babies. Occasional emails to catch up, full of love and wishes to talk more, then fading into the distance of life. We danced around each other. Don't let him too close, Amy - love him from a distance or he might know - he might figure it out - and then you lose it all. Better to be peripheral friends. He is too valuable to lose.

Then, divorce. Big. And alone. And it is good, it is cleansing, but it hurts. Then it heals. Slowly. Time passes, and suddenly it is 6 months and he is still there, always there, has always been there and you never say anything, Amy, why? But England is so far away... and is it worth it to lose such a friend? An old and dearly valued friend?

Thoughts and conversations. We get deeper. There is a person behind the facade and god... I like the person even more! Agony... looking back and it is a slap in the face - READ the emails, Amy - years of them - and it is obvious. OBVIOUS. And I want to let that go? BUT BUT BUT...
Deep breaths. Take a chance, Amy. Take a chance. Does it hurt to move on and take a chance? So I close my eyes. I breathe in. I leap...



And find out that he has saved every conversation we have ever had.

I find out he has saved every email that we have ever sent.

Every 'I love you' - he spoke truly.


Panic - god oh my god - what do I do now?! England is so far it will never work everyone will laugh it is all online he is just a bounce back it's too soon i'm being silly what the hell am I thinking oh god oh god - and then it is 9 months of time alone... and how can 9 months be a bounce back? How can 9 months be rushing? For that matter, how can 10 years be a bounce back? How can 10 years be rushing?

And so.....

This is my Stephen,
and I am His Amy.
I have loved him for
10 years - and he
has loved me back.

And the rest is just details.

The End

In Which Amy Reveals her Secret Holiday Plans... (shh...) (Myspace Blog)

So, what is Amy doing for the holidays?

Well...

NO rainbow vomit. (otherwise known as Xmas lights)
NO fake trees
NO real trees
NO ornaments
NO presents
NO Santa
NO Xmas cards
NO cookies
Well.. ok... some cookies. But NO sparkles on them
NO silly hats with bells and fur
NO candy canes
NO presents

NO kids.

Kinda sad, you'd think.... but mi hija and I decided that we were both ok with the long list of no's... and there are trees and lights and yaddayadda elsewhere. Nice to have an xmas not based on the materialism of the season. Nice to be free to relax rather than getting caught in the hubub of the holiday.

The part that makes me a bit sad is the no kids part... My youngling to his other moms and my oldling to her dads. They will have fun... it will be good for them. Me, on the other hand... but there are other holidays.

Actually, I am doing something for the holiday. I am packing me and my stuff into a van with my mom, 2 of my sisters, and my nephew and we are driving. First to Dallas, to pick up a third sister and see my brother and his almost-so-close-to-time wife and kiss 3 year olds and rub slightly bulging baby bellies. Then to Georgia, to spend a wonderful few days with yet another sister, her husband, and their family. I really am excited, even though the trip will be grueling. I have never been to Georgia. I hope it snows. Not that I would know what it was if it did... (This is snow?! WOW! It is so wet... and cold! My fingers are numb! I can't feel my toes! This sucks! Lets go inside and drink hot cocoa!)

Then back home to vegetate and recover from a horrid semester. But only 2 more before blocks... I am almost done... I think I am starting to taste it.

Or is that sand? It has been really windy....

In Which Amy Finds her Grades... (Myspace Blog)

It's the end of the semester... and that means its grade time.

I was pretty sure I could guess what I was going to get... A+ in Advanced Comp., B in Chemistry, B in Ed. Psych, and A in Perceptual Motor Development.

BUT... I saw them this morning. Yes. I did. Yes. I'm happy. Yes. I rock.

Here they are... *drumroll please...*

English 311 - Advanced Composition - A+
C EP 210 - Educational Psychology - A
P EP 218 - Perceptual Motor Development - A
Chem 111 - (only the hardest class I have ever taken ever) - B

Yay me! Better than I expected.

In other school related news... I had a stressful week... of being jacked around. The Education Department is re-doing the Early Childhood Degree plan. I knew this. I was fine. Until Thursday, when I went in to visit my advisor, Deborah, to turn in some drop/add slips for 2 classes, that is. Luckily, Deborah likes me and looks out for me.

Her: "Um.... Amy...."

Me: "Hey! How are you!"

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Me: "You don't look too happy..."

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Yeah. Anyway, it turns out that I was going to be forced into the new degree plan. And she could not tell me what that would do to my graduation date. beep! So I waited while she did some figuring. The next day she called me, to tell me that it was going to add 2 semesters onto my graduation date. 2 semesters! No... nonono. I refuse to add another YEAR onto this beep bachelors degree when it is only a means to get me into a Master's programme!

I told her this. And she listened to me cry and whine, and said, "Let me see what I can do. I'll get back to you."

So Monday comes. And she calls.

Her: "Um... Amy..."

Me: (oh, beep... this is how the whole conversation started last time...)

Her: "Can you come in? Right now?"

Me: (panic) "Um... ok."

So I did. And here is what she found.

*Change my degree to Elementary Education.
*Graduate at the originally planned date.
*Do not take any summer classes for the rest of my bachelors programme.
*Have a lighter courseload than I did before.
*Be able to fit classes in that will allow me to graduate with an honours thesis.
*Take Aurthurian Legend as a graduation requirement.
*Figure out that degree actually fits better with my planned Master's Degree and Doctorate.
*Smile and Be Happy.

I so like Deborah... maybe I should make her brownies.

In Which Amy Says READ THIS... (Myspace Blog)

This is something that everyone one of you should read.

I didn't write it... Kristin did. But just pretend that I have had time right now to write it - the sentiment is pretty much what I would hope that I would say.

Except that I can't say I have never been married.

Finals is next week... 10 more days before I have time to do something besides study!

Ok - here it is... READ IT!!!

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=59974752&blogID=200424701&indicate=1