In Review, kind of a bad few weeks.

Benny, my very old Grandma's husband, and therefore my step-grandfather, went into the hospital on 6th of November. He had cancer, and the tumour had spread to his liver and he was bleeding internally. They did an endoscopic surgery in the 7th to stop the bleeding, and he died on the 8th of November.

Kelli called to tell me on the 9th of November that my mother had overdosed, either accidentally or purposefully, on prescription painkillers.

On the 10th of November the hospital said that it wasn't an overdose. On the 11th they said it was congestive heart failure. On the 13th she had an angiogram which,while showing normal blockage which was taken care of, was not enough to explain her symptoms. On the 14th she told me that they wouldn't come right out and say it, but that it was a stroke.

On the 16th Stephen's mum called to tell us that his abuela was back in the hospital. Daily updates left us still not sure what was going on, besides age. On the 20th Stephen received a 5 am text message from his mum saying that his abuela had died. He left last night to fly to Spain for an unknown period of time to spend time with his mum and go to the funeral.

I am sad for all the sadness in our families. While I am so glad, I am also just a tad jealous that Stephen is able to go and be with his family during this time. I didn't get to. I am a bit mopey because I do not do as well when he is gone. I don't sleep as well, I remember my disturbing dreams more, and I have a lot more nightmares. And I can't help but wonder if the old adage about death coming in threes will be true this time also. All this is added to by the fact that Stephen and I have no way of keeping in touch besides the telephone (he usually takes his laptop and we chat often, but there is no internet where he is) and we don't know when he will be home. I know he will come home, though.

So this weekend, while I do have a bit of work to do for school, Ashley and I are going to hang out. I stocked up on junk food yesterday, an almost unheard of treat coming from me. We ate pizza and cookies and talked. Tonight I am taking her out for dinner, and tomorrow, as sad as it makes me, I am taking her to get her hair cut. I hope that we get the whole house clean this weekend, a task that I haven't even touched in weeks since things have been so hectic with school and I have hardly been home. I'll feel better when it is all done, and we will benefit from having some intense time together.

These last few weeks I have really wanted to go home. Not to stay, but to visit. To mourn. To spend more time with my Grandma. To see my mother and Kelli and the girls and my daddy. To hold onto Tristan so tight and make him remember how much I love him. To make him feel it. And maybe so I can feel it too.