The Good and the Bad.

I'm tired of making excuses for myself and the fact that it has been so long since the last post. I know that everyone loves to read this. I love to know that I have posted and I love that I have people who care enough about me to read. I am really not good at being consistent about keeping up with the blog. I suppose I get tired. I suppose I get busy and it takes low priority. I suppose, if I am going to be really honest with everyone, that I get lazy. So I'm apologising, but I'm not making excuses.

Lately, it has been all about adjusting to the weather change (It's SPRING! There are flowers and it is not so bitter cold and the trees are growing leaves! There are nettles, which is the not-quite-so-good.) and the change from being in a classroom everyday for the past however long to being back at University and settling into working. I have minimal motivation for that as well. I have 2 large research projects that are due on the same day. I suspect that1 will get the majority of my time and attention, and the other will just get by. I have come to terms with that. I can't seem to split my attention well enough to focus on both at the same time. Overall, I do not think that it will affect my marks that much, as I still intent to pass. I think I'm to the point that I am content with scraping by. (can anyone say senior-itis?)

We re-arranged the house a few weeks ago, and I am enjoying the results. I was feeling a little like we were just staying here. Not everything had a home. Not everything was "moved in" after almost a year. And I confess to having a moment in which I just couldn't stand living here and not being settled. So we re-arranged and it has helped a lot. The living room, which is small to start with, was piled with the table behind the desk, so we were using only half the space and it was crowded and uncomfortable. Now it is more spread out and feels less crowded. We still don't have enough seats for everyone, but it is much better and a whole lot more bearable. We also found a new-to-us set of chairs at a second-hand shop. They are not great, and won't last long, but they are a lot better than the chairs that we had that didn't survive the overseas trip well. Those had fallen apart. There was 1 left, and it was wobbly. The new chairs are green, which I like.

I am actively job hunting at the same time as all the other things. This is actually a very hard thing. There is an expectation that everyone who applies for a position will go for a tour of the school. These are scheduled at specific times convenient for the school. Most of the schools are not bus or walking distance from us, so this means that I need to rent a car. Sometimes for 1 school visit. Then I apply, but the competition is fierce. I didn't even get an interview at the school that I did my placement at. I feel a bit disheartened. I'm not sure if there is a problem with my application, my cover letter, or my CV. I don't know if my Visa is an issue or if it is just bad luck of the draw. But I am starting to worry that I won't be able to find a job, won't be able to finally do my part in keeping our family afloat. We have such big plans: buying a house, the potentiality of future children, and none of it can happen if I continue to be a less-contributive member of the family.

*sigh* I feel like this post is a lot of whining, and that is not exactly what I intended to do when I started it. There are good things. Ashley is 17 now. (Ok - good and bad thing. I have very mixed emotions about her birthday. One one hand, yay for her, and on the other, my time with her as a child is almost over and that makes me sad.) We have solved the fungus gnat problem with the handy help of a pesticide spray and some silver sand. I have new house plants. I am well loved and cared for. Mostly, I am happy. I miss you all a lot, though. I feel a bit lonely without my friends even close enough to talk to.

No more now, or I'll do something silly like cry.