Once again I am up early. Actually, though, that is deceptive. 'Early' is a subjective term. I was actually supposed to be up at 4, but didn't actually manage to GET up until 5. I'm tired. I am a little concerned with how tired I have been lately. It seems harder and harder to get up in the mornings, and forget any sort of conversation between Stephen and I that doesn't involve my begging him for more time to sleep. Lucky for me he is busy at work lately, so he doesn't seem to mind.
This morning, however, I fought myself to get up early. I have an interview at 7 am. With the Department Head of the Second Year Programme at Canterbury Christchurch University. See, and this is still partially hush hush, as I haven't posted the 'big announcement', I was accepted. But not into the Third Year like I had hoped, but the Second Year. I was told last week. Then they threw this interview at me. With the Department Head. And told me, "It's ok, Dearie (yes, dearie... that was what she said...) it will be fine." And now I am a bit in a panic. Does it mean that there is still a chance they won't accept me? But I've already told both K and B and the shit has already hit the fan. I can't go backwards... and I don't want to.
Anyway, I'm terribly nervous. A little over an hour until the interview and I feel like I have 2 options - bomb it and screw my future on a few levels, or ace it. In my imagination it gets me into the Third Year. And yet I am even mixed up about that. I am not eligible for a spousal visa until I have lived with Stephen for 2 years. If I /do/ get into the third year, and I don't find a job very quickly after graduation, then I can't stay. If I stay in the second year, it costs significantly more in tuition, but I will be there 2 years, and eligible for that spousal visa afterwards, taking some of the pressure off of me finding a job that will support a work visa that quickly. But I'd like to finish this degree already. I'm tired of /still/ working on a stupid bachelors degree. I want to move onto something that seems more productive. A Masters degree, maybe. Or *gasp* actually teaching.
Stephen says that this interview is just a formality. I can't really comprehend that an interview with a DEPARTMENT HEAD is a formality. He may be right, but he also said that /he/ would be terrified if he were in my shoes. And that just makes me feel all the more comfortable. Yeah right.
I just have to hold onto the thought that the world is perfect and things happen as they should. This won't stop my moving (yay positive knowing!).
Leading onto a brief other note... apparently B is set to speak to a lawyer today. To keep me from taking Ashley overseas. All because I won't drop the back child support. He actually told me that, if I did drop the child support, he would let me take her without a fight. Honestly, I don't think there is anything that he can do. She is 15, old enough to choose for herself. And I have sole custody of her. In the divorce decree it says that I choose where she lives. I just might be safe and take my divorce decree to the University lawyer and have them check it out and tell me what his chances are of stopping me. Sister, other sister, and Stephen have all said that I should not drop a penny of the back support or fees, and I tend to agree with them. It is not my fault that he didn't pay anything at all for 11 years, and I have a hard time feeling sorry for him now. Ashley, on the other hand, thinks that I should. I am not sure that I can express to her that, if I were to give in to him on this even a little bit, he wins more than just the money. He wins, because I will have let him intimidate me into doing what he wants, again. And that cycle must break. He does not own me, and I don't want him or I acting like it anymore. I have bent over backwards since I left to make sure that he had her as often and for as long as he wanted. His lack of participation is his fault, not mine. I am not responsible for his irresponsibility.
*sighs* 1 hour to go until that interview. Nervous....
nervous
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