In Which Amy Says Something Scarey... (Myspace Blog)

There is some pretty big news that I have avoided sharing with you all. I'm not entirely sure why: partly because I wanted to wait until it was absolutely not going to change, and partly because, while I'm excited, I'm also scared.

I'm moving.

Yes, moving in and of itself is a scarey thing. Moving across town is daunting and hard work and exhausting. But this... this is more than that. I am not just moving across town. I am moving across the world.

In very late April I applied to attend a school in the United Kingdom to finish my degree. In May, very late in May, I was accepted. Now, this late in June, things are set enough that I can say that I am moving to England.

I leave at the end of August. I will be homeless at the end of July, crashing on a friends couch because I still have class until mid-August.

There are emotional ups and downs associated with this move. Hija is coming with me. That fact has caused problems with her father, and with her step-mom. And I understand where they are coming from. Hijo is /not/ coming with me... and this breaks my heart. I have moments of wondering if I will be able to function without having him with me. It is going to be equally hard on him, too.

We are moving in with Mi Amor. This is a bit frightening too. He is incredibly gentle, but there are many times when I look at my past and see myself as someone very difficult to love. Is he the one? Is it ever entirely, 100% possible to tell?

It's a different culture, a different community, a different language (even thought it is still English), a different world. We will have to bend and adapt and change. Change is scarey.

The funniest thing to me is that I asked for change. My tattoo is a specific request put forth to learn how to be ok with large change. To become more comfortable at making the tough decisions based on what is best rather than what is safest. Time to put my money where my mouth is.

So... my friends, the clock is ticking. Let's do and be and live and love until we can't anymore. There will be parties announced. There is a family blog... you want the address, message me. Questions? Ask. I am not afraid.

Ok, maybe I am afraid. A little. But that will pass. I spent too much time thinking about this and deciding if I was doing what was best for myself and my kids. I am. I /know/ I am. But that doesn't seem to help the fear. I'm still learning how to deal with that part.